Racist White Men Can Prevent Race War By Having More Sex

Images of racist white men who participated in the “Unite the Right” event in Charlottesville, Va. have been circulating on social media. Some of them have been identified with the help of online sleuths, and have lost jobs as a result. It then dawned on me that hardly seen are images of the white women who also participated in the event. Trust me; they were there. Women marched in the streets of Charlottesville spewing their hatred, just like the men did. Yes, I’ve seen them in videos. And yes, racism isn’t gender-specific.

But anyway, I once jokingly thought that racist white men were angry because they weren’t having enough sex. Which, of course, was the fault of all racial minorities, Jews, and members of the LGBTQ community. But now it has hit me that this isn’t true. It isn’t because women are having sex and being supportive of these racist assholes. Yes, instead, like the women who support them, they’re just downright ignorant. This is interesting given the movement’s most vocal and weepy anti-police hero Christopher Cantwell’s roots in the men’s rights movement. Apparently, it’s not just about minorities. It’s also about the white vagina.

At any rate, while I don’t sympathize with racist white men, I understand. I get why the growing presence of immigrants like me and this sudden increase in melanin has become a threat to their well being.

More Sex Will Prevent A Race War

While white people are still a majority of America’s population, you can’t be too careful. If I were you, I too would be worried about guys like me taking the reigns of power. Should that happen, you guys could probably find yourselves enslaved and shipped off to Africa to pick cotton for free. You know, in the blazing equatorial heat? And yes, who needs the type of oppression that doesn’t recognize your humanity, right? So yes, I get why you’re angry. However, might I offer you a bit of advice? I know, in your angst, arming yourselves with guns, donning helmets, shields, and the logo of the Detroit Red Wings and taking to the streets of a sleepy Lilly white small southern town may be the move.

The overwhelmingly male crowd at the white-nationalist rally in Charlottesville shouldn’t be seen as an absence of women in the movement overall.

But, if it is a fix to your threatened existence that you seek, may I help? Can I suggest that in the interest of public safety, you’d do the public and yourselves a favor? Seriously, if you guys just started having more unprotected sex, your race might survive this radical assault on privilege.

Research shows that in recent years, less and less white babies are being born. And while this is happening, more children birthed by people of color are born every year. While it’s easy to blame guys like me for your plight, in the interest of personal responsibility and your continued dominance, does it not make sense just to start fucking raw? Yes, more frequently than you have. To hell with condoms! Condoms are for wild black men who would ordinarily run away from the black woman they impregnate. Because, as you know, not taking care of their children is in their genetic makeup. For you, it’s different. Fortunately, white men aren’t burdened with the irresponsibility gene.

Unprotected Sex Will Save Racist White Men

Condoms and all forms of contraceptives at this time will be the death of your race. Which now that I think about it, it makes perfect sense why the Christian types among you are fighting to make abortion illegal. But back to the point: Just start fucking more than you do now. When you feel the urge to hop on social media and type racist posts that project your insecurity as an endangered species, take pause. Do something different. Instead, just have sex. Unprotected sex. Bust a nut or two or three as you can at a time.

In this Aug. 12, 2017 photo, James Alex Fields Jr., second from left, holds a black shield in Charlottesville, Va., where a white supremacist rally took place.

Have an orgasm. In due time, I think you’ll see a resurgence of your privilege and cultural prominence. Yes, it’ll be awesome. You guys will start taking back all of those shitty reality TV shows that highlight the pathology associated with being black. Hell, before you know it, you guys might eventually start dominating professional baseball and football again. And yes, wouldn’t that be nice?

Think about it: No more Colin Kaepernick.

Doing this would guarantee you racist white men having a lock on all positions of power for the foreseeable future. Yes, and you’ll never have to worry about spending your hard earned money on things like voter suppression, gerrymandering, or even pretending to care about the concerns of minority voters. Hell, you’ll not only take your country back, but you’ll get all the food-stamps as the good Lord intended. You ignore my advice here, and I promise, there’ll be another Kenyan who lands on American soil who will impregnate one, or maybe a few more white women, who could wind up becoming POTUS, again.

Lord knows you don’t want that to happen.

So, again, because I’m a helper, please consider my advice. Just do more fucking and less torch-carrying rallies. As you see, those things can get ugly and precious white people can get killed. While we may never be able to get along, with more orgasms, you racist white men won’t even notice that we exist. Not noticing us minorities might not be right for us, but at least you racist white men will be happier. Yes, and your unearned privilege and God-given global dominance as a racist white man will be sustained.