Jesus Needs To Go Ahead And Buy BET

Early Sunday morning sex is the best sex ever. You know that early morning, damn I feel fresh after a good night’s sleep sex? Yeah, on an early Sunday morning, it’s the best. The only downside to Sunday morning sex is turning the TV on afterward to see some preacher-man talking about the Lord. Yep, after one of the best orgasms of the week, that can be a downer. And that’s how my day started today.

After getting out of bed and getting all fresh, I decided to hop in the ride and go to my neighborhood walk track, to get my 2mls in for the day. As I got in the car I turned on my radio instead of my beloved Mos Def CD, “Black On Both Sides”. I tuned in to my local hip hop and R&B station – something I almost never do given the type of garbage they play that they call music – but this morning, I did.

Feeling kinda good about myself before I pulled off, I started bobbin my head to the song they were playing. I never heard the song before but it was the same typical southern style Lil Johnesque, Dirty South, straight out of Atlanta garbage. But like I said, I was feeling pretty good so I bobbed my head.

I started listening to the lyrics, and I heard the hook, “rollin down the street with my top down, listening to Jesus music.” Huh? Jesus music? Really? On some thugged out sounding shit? Yeah, that’s exactly what I was thinking. As I drove off I listened further and it was then I realized that I was listening to a Sunday morning hip hop gospel show. I was stunned. So now I’m wondering, when did Jesus get thugged out? And does he have a grill in his mouth??

Seriously, if I hadn’t known any better or cared about lyrical content, I would have thought that what I was hearing was the hottest shit in the clubs today. Yes, the music was seriously like that, and adding a few Lil John yells and screams would have probably made the song a well known hit. Bottom line: the shit was banging! All that was missing was a few choice bitches and hoes referenced here and there, but they did at least stay on message. They did talk about bling, ballin, and the rest of the common elements of hip hop culture, within the music, but they did manage to keep it in perspective by it all being blessings from God.

Oh well, you gotta get with the times if you wanna get your message across I guess. And you gotta get them early. You can’t expect some old geezer to be gettin’ “crunk” up in church like the kids do with the same tired old Negro spirituals. Way to go Jesus, you and the crew did a good thing. Because if what I read recently is true, Black people are now claiming no religion more than ever before. Yup, there are more Black Atheists today openly than any other time in our American History. According to the American Religious Identification Survey released last week, about 11% of the Black population are not into the whole religion thing like me.
“The first indication of an increase in the percentage of blacks who claim “no religion” was in the 2001 survey, with a jump from 6 percent in 1990 to 11 percent in 2001. In the overall population, the percentage of people claiming to have no religion increased from 14.2 percent in 2001 to 15 percent in the current study. The trend on “no religion” in the ARIS report is similar to a study released last year by the Pew Forum on Religion and Public Life. That report showed that people really are losing their religion; 16.1 percent of Americans say they are not affiliated with any particular faith—double the percentage of people who said they were not affiliated with any particular religion as children.” – sourceThis is why I think Jesus needs to go ahead and buy BET. If Jesus bought BET, chances are, using the musical format I heard today, throw in the already naked women on BET, he could win some much needed Negroes over; especially the young ones. And you know that whatever Negroes deem as hot, “other folks” tend to follow, right? Seriously, if Jesus did it and snatched BET and MTV from Viacom, with a good marketing strategy and campaign, he could make a comeback. You know, kinda like Michael Steele hopes to do with the republican party? Yes, just like that. Uh huh, and Jesus would appear on 106th & Park like Jay Z or Kanye West from time to time.
Of course I don’t like the combination of religion and politics, but it really doesn’t bother me if people are catching the Holy Ghost up in the club. I mean why not! They do it every Sunday in church after sipping a shot glass of wine. Hell, up in the club, if Jesus was there, there’d probably be less violence, and baby momma drama. Chances are, if MC Jesus told me to “Walk This Way” instead of RUN-DMC back in the day, I may not be so turned off on religion as I am today. Come to think of it, I would have probably been apt to listen to the preacher-man on TV after I had sex this morning.
You can read the full report HERE