I’m not an avid movie goer at all. I know some people who are at the movies, like, every weekend. Not me. With popcorn costing $20, and the chocolate covered raisins running a close $15, I’ll just wait for it to come to cable. Occasionally, there’s that one movie that I have to see when released. Last year it was “Black Snake Moan” which turned out to be one of my favorites. What can I say, I love Samuel Jackson, and seeing his crazy ass dragging a white girl on a chain in the previews were enough to peak my interest.

SIDENOTE: I think every black man should be allowed one chained up white woman in his house for at least 30 days. There’s something empowering about that, and hell brothas need all the power we can get right about now. Obama’s gonna be president, what better time than now to chain up white women?

So I haven’t been to the movies in a while, but for the last month or so, I’ve made up my mind that I’m gonna go see “Hancock”. As I mentioned in a previous blog, I happen to like Will Smith. I can’t stand looking at those “Fresh Prince” re-runs my wife loves so much, but I love the dude as an actor. But with this movie, even though it might be great, I think he set the brothas back a lil bit.

For the last few years there’s been a resurgence of the comic book superhero. Alot of our favorite comic book superheros have been brought to life on the big screen and its been cool to watch. I’ve been waiting and wondering for a long time if we’ll ever have a black superhero. I mean a real black superhero with actual powers, and not some Shaft like dude wearing a leather jacket beating up white people. I’m talking a bonafide real superhero. And what did Will Smith do? He became that guy. Am I happy? Hell no! Why should I be happy when the first black superhero we have is a fuckin dysfunctional one?!! Its like a nigga can’t catch a break in this country. A black man can’t run for president and apparently he can’t be a normal superhero like the white ones.

Everybody loves Superman. Hell they even loved him after he bounced on earth for 5yrs and let the World Trade Center get attacked by terrorists. White people welcomed him back with open arms. They even love Batman with his dark grimey no powers having self. They even made Bruce Wayne a rich dude. Iron Man did his thing this year. Spiderman won’t fuckin die and they even have a new dude playing him in the next sequel. Even the Hulk blew up this year. he tore shit up for two movies and white folks ain’t mad at him. But then again, he’s like the only green dude around. But Hancock? No such luck. He has to be a fucked up superhero that nobody likes. The muthafucka even goes to jail in the movie. Can you believe that shit?!! How you gonna be a superhero but can’t even get a job because you have a criminal record? I haven’t seen the movie yet, but I know I’ll be pissed if they make CRACK his Kryptonite. You know every superhero has to have that one thing that can make him weak.

I’m pretty sure Will Smith can pull off this role, and still keep me as a fan. I mean he’s known for saving the world. He fuckin beat the aliens in “Independence Day” for crying out loud! Mr. Scientology Tom Cruise couldn’t even do that in “War Of The Worlds”. He ran like a bitch until the aliens caught the flu and died because we didn’t have universal healthcare. I wanna think that Dave Chappelle would have made for a better fucked up superhero and make me laugh instead of Will Smith. Will is known to take his roles kinda serious and I’m afraid that he’s gonna take this one too serious. Serious enough to do a good job, and you know what that means right? We’ll have sequels!! Good for Will, but not for black people. Who wants to have three sequels of a black superhero drinking forties, going to jail for child support or not being able to vote. I know I don’t dammit, but I’ll damn sure be at the movies to see this Hancock dude. Maybe he’ll have white people loving him in the end. I doubt it seriously, but then again, its Will Smith, he’s a safe likeable negro unlike Wesley Snipes. They threw that nigga in jail didn’t they? He was supposed to play the comic book character “Black Panther” several years ago. Oh well, as Chuck D said, “Death Row, what a brotha know.”

Where’s Blank Man when we need him.