Do Christians have Oral or Anal Sex?

So in Washington DC yesterday they voted and approved gay marriages; way to go DC not giving in to the pressure from the black church! But ironically on the very same day world renowned Televangelist minister Oral Roberts dies at the age of 91. Not trying to be a conspiracy theorist or anything, but is God trying to tell us something here? I mean is this his way of promoting “Oral” sex? I’m sure the kids at Oral Roberts University would like to know as well be cause the fate of them becoming a noted party school in America rests on this information. Yeah I know that wasn’t funny but I had to go there… sue me.

But since I’m already there I have to ask this next question. Since God doesn’t like homosexuality of any kind per the religious fundies among us, does he get pissed off when hetero-minded people engage in oral or anal sex? By chance was that rule on that piece of rock Moses accidentally dropped and broke? I mean I’d like to know because the last thing I’d like to happen is to be standing at the pearly gates and getting turned away by the bouncer because, well, you get my drift. I mean the Christian Porn genre hasn’t actually taken off just yet as I think it should so I’m curious.

And one last thing: am I wrong every time I hear the term “pearly gates” and the image of my wife’s vagina comes to mind? I mean that’s my version of heaven and I’m having a hard time coming to terms with the idea of other people lining up to get through those gates. So can one of you bible thumpers clue me in on some of this stuff in my head today? Inquiring and horny minds would love to know, and hopefully one of you can help me out here because that whole Missionary Position thing is hella old and I think having to pray before sex would be a major downer.

QUESTION: Would you be comfortable with your partner wanting to pray before sex?