I’ve been watching the olympics, and like most, I’m in awe of the accomplishments of Michael Phelps. Not only is he the greatest olympian ever, by virtue of winning the most gold medals of any athlete, I think he’s part fish. Or maybe even the re-incarnation of Patrick Duffy as “Man From Atlantis”. With the resurgence of the comic book hero movies, I think he should be a shoe in for the role of “Aqua Man” in the near future. I’m not a big fan of the swim US swim team. I’ll be honest, I’m only watching them as I wait for the negro portion of the olympics. No, I’m not referring to Basketball. But rather, the track and field portion of the games. You know, the part where the white dudes always lose? Yeah, that’s the stuff I love watching, but swimming is cool for now. Its either that, or watch those 6yr old Chinese female gymnasts destroy their American opponents, or beach volleyball which should not be an olympic sport by the way. Whats next? Lazer tag?!!
I was excited, and pleasantly surprised to see a Black man on the olympic swimming team. His name is Cullen Jones in case you didn’t know. Oh, and he was a part of the gold medal relay team. I say I was excited because as they have always said, “Black people don’t swim.” Well, I’m black, and I swim, but then again, I grew up partly in the caribbean unlike Blacks in America. As a kid, the beach was my swimming pool, and living on a small island, it was endless. No such luck for African Americans. I’ve been told that the reason they do not swim stems from the lack of swimming pools in the hood. This is debatable depending on who you talk to, but I think there’s more to it than that. You see, I happen to think its a matter of genetics.
Huh?
Ok, think about the Olympics, and the lack of black male swimmers, as opposed to track and field athletes. Its obvious, that the black athlete excels outside of the water more so than the white athlete. If you think the scare of the Middle Passage has something to do with this, you’re an idiot. The truth is, white men have smaller penises. By Black men having bigger penises, the problem of buoyancy, and drag becomes an issue. And I doubt whether they make a waterproof jock strap. 
So while you’re in awe of Michael Phelps and his accomplishments. Its important to remember that he has a smaller penis than Cullen Jones, and hence he’s more successful as a swimmer for the US Olympic team. But if he had to run for his life (like most niggas in the hood) he’d be dead, or in jail, and definitely not a favorite to win the 100 meter heat.
“But what about the Black female swimmers RiPPa?”
“Yeah, they don’t have penises!”
You’re right, they don’t.
The truth is: Black women just don’t like getting their hair wet, especially after paying upwards of $200 just to get a damn weave. And swimming with a plastic Walmart bag on your head, I’m sure is against Olympic regulations.
Can you swim?