So like, how you gonna stab me like that after I cum?

Have you ever had bad sex? Oh of course you have. I know I have, and I’ll be honest and admit that I failed to meet the expectations of a few when it came to swinging an episode. I mean, you can’t please everybody; and, for some women, four inches just happens to be too much girth. But I tell you what? I’m pretty sure there’s an equal amount of men who can tell their fair share of similar stories of bad sexual encounters. Speaking of which, checkout this next story:
Michelle Thomas had sex with her common-law husband on Thursday and was not satisfied, so she stabbed him with a pair of scissors.

The 26-year-old woman laughingly told police that her husband did not please her sexually in bed, so she slashed his chest, hand and knee.

Although the unidentified man did summon police to the home and suffered superficial cuts, he did not want to press charges against Thomas. He also refused to seek medical treatment.

The Hudson,Texas, young woman alleges that her husband had been drinking, forcibly grabbed her by the wrists and threw her on the bed. She also claims that he began choking her. After examining Thomas, police investigators did not find any telltale injurious marks on her body.

Thomas was arrested and charged with aggravated assault and assault with a deadly weapon.

She faces up to 20 years in prison if convicted and will be slapped with a $10,000 fine. (source)OK, so like I said above, I’ve had some no-so-memorable sexual encounters. I have, but I didn’t try to physically hurt anybody! Nope, I’ve never came out swinging swords like I was in the Wu-Tang Clan all because the booty was wack. I used to kick it with this woman who I swore she had talons because of the way she used to dig and claw into my back. After about my fourth or fifth encounter with her I had to tell her to cut that shit out; and never once did I think about punching her in the eye. Shoot, I just kept it moving and was on to the next one.

So after reading the above story, I’m trying to figure out a few things. Aside from the obvious question as to why she looks so damn happy in her mug shot; I’m trying to figure out just what went wrong here. First off, the guy was her common-law husband. I’m pretty sure this means dude has been living under the same roof, and having sex with this woman for a while. Yes, this wasn’t just one of those one night stand, new booty from the club, type of situation. That said, wouldn’t it stand to reason that this brotha did nothing new this time around?

Now of course, that’s assuming that they’re kinda on the freaky side, and that this woman has already participated in his “choke a chick” type of bedroom antics. I know it sounds crazy but there are people who are into that “I’ll choke the shit out of you while I’m having sex with you,” thing. That said, I’m not gonna assume that dude was out of character by trying to choke her, or force himself onto her. I mean c’mon, if that was the case, we would be subjected to his mug shot rather than hers. So with that said, I’m really like what-the-fuck! Especially since there’s no evidence to support any of her claims.

So what, is this woman a few fries short of a Happy Meal? Maybe. Hell, look at how happy she is in her mug shot. I’m sayin’, what dude (other than her human chop-board) is ever gonna wanna “get with her” ever after this story. I mean guys are taught that when it comes to “putting in the work,” you gotta do it right. We’re told by older heads that if we don’t, then we’ll become the laughing stock of all of “her” female friends. And of course you don’t wanna be just that, just in case you plan to run through her entire crew at some point.

Of course I’m married now and I no longer have to worry about that sorta thing. But I’m hoping that this doesn’t become a trend that can affect some of my single homies out there. Having to worry about getting a woman pregnant, contracting HIV/AIDS (or any other STD), or getting sliced the hell up is just too much damn pressure for a brotha. As for ole girl? I’m not sure if anger management classes are in order. But I would say the possibility of having to face up to twenty years in prison should be enough for her to get her mind right.