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So by now you’ve had twenty cups of that horrible office coffee to get yourself going. You’re mad because you really wanted to stop at Starbucks on the way to work today. But you have to settle for the coffee that tastes like Shug Avery’s pee because you overslept. You didn’t really oversleep, you just hit the snooze button about ten times this morning before getting out of bed. Yes my friends, its Monday! Its definitely not your favorite day of the week and you’re already looking forward to the weekend ahead. Right now you probably wish you had a remote control, so you could fast forward to Friday. If only life was that easy….*sigh*Well my friends, life is that easy! And I’m here to show you just how. Some of you that are new to this page are probably unaware of the fact that I am a motivational speaker. I want you to keep that in mind for the future. Whenever you need someone to talk to about your problems in or with life -rather than kill yourself- I’m the guy that you need to speak to. As a matter of fact! Here’s an excerpt which some of you people might find quite useful…

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Hey! Have you ever woken up one morning, and felt nothing but dread about the day ahead? Well, I’m here to give you another wake-up call and to tell you to wake up. Wake up…to LIFE! Yeah, I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking “Gee, Patrick, that’s a lot of waking up to do!” You bet your waking ass it is! I’m gonna wake each and every one of you up. All the way up, no compromises. I’ll not stop until you’re all fully awake, and as far away from asleep as you can be. Only when you’re fully awake can YOU start to affect the BIG changes in YOUR life. No-one ever made any big changes by being asleep. Do you think Thomas Edison invented the light-bulb while asleep? Of course not. He was 100%, totally and completely AWAKE. So, join me in my revolutionary new program, ‘Wake Up To Life, Go To Sleep A Winner!’, and I’ll spend every waking moment waking you up. WAKE UP!
So, you’ve woken up to life, at last? Well done! Now you’re ready to move on to step two of my program – Stand Up And Be Standing! It’s all very well being awake, but being awake and horizontal will do you no favours at ALL. No-one got anywhere being awake and horizontal, apart from my first wife and prostitutes. You’re not a prostitute, are you? Of course not. So, it’s time you took a stand, and say, “I’m not going to stand for all this not-standing any more! I’m going to make a stand, and stand up for what I believe in, which is standing up!” Now, grab life by the shoulders, and haul yourself up out of the bed, until you are completely vertical. Not half-vertical, or leaning at an angle of 35 degrees. No: you’ve gotta be 100%, completely and utterly standing up vertically. For more help with standing up, phone my hot-line now to order my book and DVD, ‘Making a Stand And Taking A Chance’. Just dial 1 (800) PHILLIPS HELPLINE – RIGHT AWAY! Okay, see you next time for the next stage of my award-winning program: ‘Two Steps Forward, No Steps Back’. Bye!- Patrick Phillips. Patrick Phillips is one of America’s top motivational speakers and self-help gurus, who’s clients have included US President George W Bush,renowned serial killer Ted Bundy, Ugandan dictator and mass-murderer Idi Amin and top movie star Corey Feldman. Phillips has also written many top-selling books, including ‘Kick the Crap Out of Yourself’, ‘Finding Your Inner Child and Sending Him To Bed With No Supper’ and ‘Pulling Our Fingers Out of Our Souls’. Hopefully this gets your day going and makes today the start of your best week ever! Listen, life is not hard people. Life is pretty darn easy! The trick is to wake up. Open your eyes and wake up! Life is only hard when you continuously sleepwalk. Have you ever gotten out of bed in the middle of the night to use the bathroom? Sure you have! Could you imagine who or what you would’ve peed on if you didn’t open your eyes to see where you’re going? Life is just like that folks. Its only hard when you pee on other people or even worse…yourself!Open your eyes and WAKE UP TO LIFE!Have a good week