Top 5 Reasons Why The Sex Was Not “Spectacular”, Kiely!

A while back I blogged about this joint here in January.

Looks like Kiely Williams decided to, regretfully and embarrasingly, film and release the video above.

It’s cheap, her dancing is basic, the main guy leaves much to be desired, and it’s a mess.

Now, here are the top 5 reasons why the sex could not have POSSIBLY been “spectacular.”

1) B*tch, your ass was knocked out. That usually classifies it as date rape in MOST civilized countries. How can you enjoy something, when you’re blown to high hell?

2) He probably skipped the foreplay, and opted instead to do some unsanitary things to you while you were knocked out. A shower with bleach would most likely not do the trick.

3) You will most likely come to the conclusion that you may have been transmitted an STI/STD, and will therefore pray like hell that it’s not HIV, and just Chlamydia. Yay! #microwinning

4) Unless you were smart enough to be on birth control–which based on the lyrical content you were not–you will need to hit that Plan B pill IMMEDIATELY. Or prepare yourself for an appearance on Maury.

5) How do you know his people didn’t hit while you were conked out? That would then mean an even MORE humiliating appearance on Maury and lots of research and guesswork as you try to figure out if little Ray-Ray’s eyebrows are those of Man number one, two, three or seven. Just saying…

I would love to hear you guys’ reasons why the sex was NOT and COULD NOT have been “Spectacular.”