So I log onto the internet, and check my email. I noticed an email from one of my really good friends who reads this blog on occasion. He lives in Kentucky, and like I said, we’re really good friends. We’ve worked together for the same corporation for years; hell we even lived together for a few months when my ex-wife and I first separated. Oh, and did I mention he was White? Yeah, RiPPa has White friends, imagine that. See, you people probably thought that ole Malcolm ExtraBelly aka RiPPa couldn’t have White friends.
But anyway, I open the email, and I was stunned. Well, not really stunned, more like confused. The email he sent me was giving me a heads up that Oprah Winfrey is passing out coupons for free KFC grilled chicken via her website www.oprah.com; seriously, free chicken! So I’m confused because I’m like, why is my White buddy sending me info on coupons for free KFC chicken? Ok, so like should I be insulted, or thankful? I mean, did he feel the need to tip me off because he knows how much I like fried chicken? Or did he just assume that all Black people love fried chicken or any chicken because, well, it’s from KFC? I mean jeez, do I get a slice of watermelon with my free order?
I’m just sayin, I don’t go out of my way to call up my buddies or email them info on all the free food giveaway gimmicks. Nope, this is not a normal thing for me, so I really don’t know how to take this. Is it a joke or a genuine act of kindness? I mean has he seen the videos on Youtube of all the frenzied Negroes at those recent Popeye’s discount giveaways? I mean it’s not like I can feed my entire family on just two pieces of grilled chicken from KFC. Now if it was a bucket that would be different. Of course it is an act of kindness, my man Darren and I are too close and cool for that type of stuff between us.
I appreciate the tip off to be honest with you because I was just saying to my wife a day or so ago that I wanted to try out that KFC grilled chicken. She then informed me that none of the KFC’s here in Memphis is selling the new grilled chicken which has been the disgust of some of my Negro cousins here in the city. You can’t sell something healthy as grilled chicken in Memphis. What are you crazy?!! Don’t you know that we have the dubious distinction of being the most obese city in the country?!! Oh well, maybe I can just run across the state line to Arkansas or Mississippi. Yeah, that should give making a run for the border a whole new meaning.
I must say that I am a little disappointed with this. Not that they don’t sell the “new chicken” here in Memphis. I’m disappointed in Oprah. I mean I know the economy is bad and she probably wants to help out; either that or she’s indebted to KFC, or maybe still owes them some money from her “I used to be fat” days back when Harpo punched her. I’m just sayin folks; this is Oprah Winfrey we’re talking about. Oprah is known to give away great gifts on her show from time to time. Screw KFC; you’d think she would give away cars in an attempt to help out the big three in Detroit. I ain’t gonna front, that’s one coupon I wouldn’t mind somebody sending me an email about. But then again, food is expensive. Let’s just hope she doesn’t give away coupons for Chitlins for Thanksgiving. I mean, I love Harpo, God know I do! But if she does that shit I’m gon’ kill her dead!
QUESTION:What’s with the new chicken give away shit? Are they trynna kill us by slipping us Negroes something on the sneak tip? Are you ever self-conscious when eating fried chicken in public? Do you ever feel like people are staring at you while you eat it?