I’m not going to Barack Obama’s presidential inauguration. Yeah, as historic a day as it would be, I’d like to be there. But there’s a part of me that wants to preserve the memory of the minute he was declared the winner as I watched the election returns back in November. I shouted and I screamed at the top of my lungs. And yes, just like Jesse Jackson and a host of other people I don’t know or have met, I cried. This is what I will forever cherish, and hope to share with my grand kids when I’m an old man with a Viagra addiction.
Now, I’m not going to the inauguration because I don’t really like crowds. Well, not really crowds, but more so the million people type crowds. Its been estimated that this inauguration could possibly be the biggest ever by having about 4 million people in attendance. Now I don’t know if you’ve given it much thought, but that’s a lot of freakin people. Sure the energy there would be reminiscent of probably Woodstock minus the drugs, and it might just be the place to be. But I heard something this morning that I’m sure anybody going hasn’t given thought to.
THERE WILL BE 1 PORT-A-POTTIE FOR EVERY 1200 PEOPLE
Did you get that? Uh huh, in that predicted sea of humanity, having to take a shit or pee will be next to impossible. Now, I don’t have a problem using the bathroom in public at all. Matter of fact, you can read a post I did a while back on the very subject here if you don’t believe me. But with that many people? Hell no! Just the thought of seeing the different type of people lined up to do lord knows what in those things alone freaks me out. That’s the thing about port-a-potties that I really hate at big events; being able to see the people in line, or having to be in line. If I gotta use the bathroom, I don’t want other people being able to take a look at me and try and figure out just what I’m gonna do in there. Worse than that, I hate having to be looked at with wonder as to just how much my shit will stink, or what was the last thing I ate. What? Don’t tell me I’m the only one who does that around here.
I mean seriously, could you just imagine seeing all those people in Washington D.C. on that day who have to use a bathroom? People are gonna be coming from all over the country. Fuck that! They’re gonna be coming from all over the world to be at this event. And I doubt very seriously if any of them are gonna be wearing adult diapers. Do you realize just how devastating it would be to see Jesse Jackson standing in line to use the bathroom, and crying because he really has to go but they’re like 500 people ahead of him?
I’m sorry Barack, I love you like a play cousin, but this is why I pay for satellite every month. Instead of being jammed up around all those people while they watch you do your thing, I’ll be at home watching in comfort. Hell, just the thought of being able to go to my bathroom with the door open and still being able to hear your speech is comfort enough for me. I bet they can’t do that on the Washington Mall. I don’t know, but 4 million people, 5000 shit stands? You people going better be glad that its not gonna be in the heat of the summer.
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