Sometimes I think that I’m pretty fortunate to have been born when I was. I was born in 1970 and I used to wonder what it’d be like to have been born and grow up in an earlier time. But then I remember that if that had happened, as I am a dark-skinned person, I would most likely have been either a slave or routinely treated as a second-class citizen. After all, the origins of the enslavement of black people go way beyond mid-eighteenth century America. So yeah, when I look at it that way, I’m glad that I wasn’t. Besides… “Toby” is just a fucked up name for anyone, slave or not.

White people of Earth, listen to me. Being brown (or in your case, orange) is not all it’s cracked up to be. A lot of the time, it can be a real hassle. Well, unless you’re not in a hurry to get somewhere when the cops pull you over. Stop now before you kill yourself AND your credit score. Don’t let your white guilt be the catalyst or your motivation to get tanned as you do. Just be nice to us colored folks, give us jobs or maybe even stock tips. Don’t worry, we’ll still be cool, and we’ll still sell you drugs. Besides, getting tasered by the police isn’t as cool in real life as it looks on TV.