Ok, wait, holdup. I know you’re probably thinking something is wrong with me. Yes, I realize that the title of this post has thrown you for a loop. Uh huh, yeah, how in the hell can RiPPa support the Lone Star state seceding from the union that is, the United States of America? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know you’re also thinking either I’m sick or was held down in some backroom by a few of the right-wing republican loons who are all now suddenly trolling this blog. But listen, you guys know that I love this country enough to criticize it as James Baldwin says. And yes, with that said, there is no way I would be about running off and forming my own country. So you know there has to be something to me supporting secession, right?
Ok, check it:
Did you watch that clip? Did it teach you anything? No, this has nothing to do with Barack and Michelle’s 26 aides living off of tax payer dollars in the White House. Nor is it even about this great nation being lead down a path of destruction by a presumed racist but intellectually inferior Black man; truth be told, in this country we’re all stupid and we have a hard time supporting anyone for president who is Black not a C-student. So why do I support secession? Because this is about crazy gun loving, gun totting, red-blood pumping idiots who live among us.
You see, the way I see it, these people in the clip above are just that. And, since they say everything is bigger in Texas. I can only imagine just how many of them are currently breathing good American air. These are people who should be all stranded on an Island with Gilligan somewhere. But since that’s not gonna happen I say go ahead and give them their own country. See, what’s gonna happen is that the rest of patriotic fools who supported America George Bush when billions were being spent at war, are all gonna pack up and move to the nation of Texas faster than Jed Clampett got to Beverly Hills. And for America (you know the rest of us?), that would be a great thing.
Yeah, forget a pending bloodbath or pissing on the tree of liberty. Just go ahead and make it legal for them to do just that. And right after it’s done? We build a fence and keep their silly asses out. Yeah, how’s that for handling the border problem problem with idiots in this country. I mean, what would the country have to lose? The Dallas Cowboys? Hell, if you believe in that they’re America’s team, then I guess it’s safe to say that America is all about losing, and that’s not good for our image. Oh you say we’ll lose oil? Lose that good ole Texas tea? We import more oil than we produce domestically anyway, and besides there’s always Alaska and all the oil Sarah Palin didn’t steal.
So yeah, give them their own country; give us the peace of mind of not having to live among loons. Trust me; this would be a win win situation. Besides, I think it would be fun watching White people sneak into America just like the Mexicans whom they despise very much. At the end of the day they’ll need us more than we need them, and there is something comical about picturing White ex-patriots selling oranges under a freeway. I think this is just the action that will give president Obama’s approval rating, a much needed boost, and revive beloved Texan George Bush’s role as Lord of the Flies, and that folks, is a good thing.