So what’s this story I hear about an HP webcam that doesn’t recognize big noses, big lips, and gold fronts? I’ve read a few headlines in the blogosphere, and being the racism ambulance chaser I had to check it out:
OK, so you know after watching this video I was ready to throw down one of my race cards from my back pocket, right? Yeah, you know I spare no moment to toss those out at the drop of a hat; I mean, what else would a race hustler do, right? But I accidentally threw a red flag on the field to challenge the call on the play. You see, some people see this and say that technology has gone racist. And as much as I would like to agree with that assertion especially since every-time I type the name Barack Obama I get the squiggly lines from spellcheck. But I have another theory on this one; I mean why waste a good and perfect race card on something this trivial, right?
Sure some of you may now think the HP in Hewlitt Packard stands for “Honkey Pixels” after seeing this video, and are ready to march on Washington or something like that. But like I said, I have a theory on this one – yes, a theory that’s a very plausible explanation. Hewlett Packer said there was a problem with the lighting, and this serves as an explanation as to why the camera never recognized the brother in the video. You wanna hear the truth? The truth is, the brother in the video was non-threatening. He looked completely harmless, and never posed any threat as most black men do in business establishments and on the streets. Oh trust me, cameras are programed to follow black men around stores just as store clerks are, and have always done. But in this case dude just didn’t look threatening; he looks like he pays his taxes and takes care of his kids. Look at him in the picture above; does he scare you? Of course not; he looks like the type of guy you would pick up if he was hitchhiking.
No joke people, I watched The Terminator last night and made the connection. No shit, you saw that movie and remember how that robot was able to scan a room and recognize threats. Oh you thought it was just a movie? That shit is real, son! If they can make cameras to recognize when you run a red light, take a picture and send you a ticket in the mail. You best believe they have some technology out there well designed for Negro face recognition. How else do you explain all those surveillance camera photos on your nightly news of people of color? I mean let’s face it: the truth of the matter is that white folks never commit crimes; yes, we barely see them on the news. So why would the camera follow them around then RiPPa? Well, somebody has to watch white people to keep them safe from black people. After all, wasn’t it some Nigerian who just tried to blow up a plane in Detroit yesterday?