GUEST BLOGGER:Manic Masturbation and the Single Black Male

Whaddup world? How are you guys doing today? Me? Oh I’m chillin; can’t complain; besides who the hell wants to listen to a fat Black man complain about anything, right? I just realized that it’s Friday. I mean damn, where did the week go. I promise you this one flew bye as quick as the Swine Flu hype. Ok, so like, you folks know that comedy is my first love, right? Yes, RiPPa knows funny. Well, I’d like you folks to meet one of the funniest women I’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting in the blogosphere. No joke, this woman used to blog on one of “those” social network sites and I was a huge fan for a long time till she disappeared some years ago. Well, I found her ass and I’m as happy as forced gay guy on his release from prison. Ladies and gentlemen, checkout this post from my girl Cruz of the blog Witch’s Brew. This blog is describes as:

5 Witches who stir up a pinch of celebrity, pop culture, health, fitness and old fashioned common (which seems uncommon) sense.

I suggest you guys add her to your daily reading and try to keep up cuz she brings it several times a day and she won’t disappoint you. I hope you enjoy the following post as much as I did.


I used to see this dude right, he was a pretty straight guy, you know, kinda geeky, went to college, good career, went to church, didn’t curse (although not too many people curse as much as me ) I guess the kind of man most would qualify as a good man. Well let’s just say this clean cut man had a dirty habit, HE WOULD MASTURBATE EXCESSIVELY. I mean I would go to his condo and catch him masturbating in the living room in the middle of the day and at night in complete darkness. I had the key so it always amazed me every time I caught him since he knew I could walk in on him at any time, it takes alot to shock me so at first I chalked it up to him being a man and doing man things. Then I started thinking, “how is this man datin a big azzed horny heffa but always jerkin off????” it just was’nt adding up. So the jerkin continued on until one morning I was awakened by a shaking bed, when I finally got the cold out my eyes and turned over ole boy was chokin the hell outta his cornish hen, right there in the bed with me!!!!!! UM HELLO, now I’ve let certain men in my life get away with a lot of bullshit but one thing I’ve always been is f*ckable, I’ll be damned if Imma let some man jerk off in the bed right next to me!

This however does not trump the time I went to his house not expecting him to be there because he told me he wouldn’t be and BAM!! there he was in the dark, batin the shat outta his joint and giving me the “let’s do it” eyes like this wasn’t the weirdest most awkward moment ever. The only positives I can take from this situation is that I clearly ain’t no giver upper! I was determined to make this man and his manic masturbating make sense. I expect men to masturbate, it’s what they do but when you are planning your day around ‘fun time’ with yourself perhaps you should seek help.

How does one develop a masturbating problem? I mean seriously, at some point doesn’t the penis get sore? He probably had miscellaneous ‘man love juice’ embedded in all his furniture, I’m surprised I never got pregnant from just sittin on the couch. Some people are so bizarre.