See the girl in the pic? Thats my soon to be 15yr old daughter Dijonna (Dee-jon-Nae). Sometimes she gets on my nerves, but thats probably because she is practically my clone. She’s been a “project” of mine for years now. She’s super intelligent, and as a freshman in high school, she was an all honors student. As a sophomore, she’s gonna continue the displaying the high standard to which I hold her to. She lives in Kentucky, and for a long time she has tested way above the states average test scores for kids her age. She’s my first born and my pride and joy, but I have a problem.
You see, I want her to do well in school so she can get a scholarship and go to college. Like many black people, I can’t afford to pay for her to go to school. So, I can only hope that she continues to do well, and further her education in college. She says she wants to go to college, but she’s not really all that excited about it. You see, she has dreams of becoming a singer/actress. And in her opinion, college is not necessary. In a recent conversation, she said that she didn’t think it was fair for her to have to bust her ass in honors class, while all her friends just breeze thru in regular classes. Hearing her say that, was very disapointing to me, but I understand that even though she is very mature for her age, she’s still 14yrs old. Seriously, I wanted to choke the shit out of her for even thinking like that. But since she wants to be a singer/entertainer, I think I’ve figured it out.

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Thats Miley Cyrus in the pic above. She’s the star of Disney’s “Hannah Montana”, and also the daughter on country music singer Billy Ray Cyrus. If you don’t have kids you may not know her. But I dare you to front like you don’t know who he is! Don’t lie, I know your ass was singing “Achy Breaky Heart” back in the day!! Uh huh, yeah…THAT Billy Ray Cyrus! Well anyway, it seems that all the kids love this show on Disney. As a result, she conducted a sucessful concert tour right across the country. Her tour was such a big hit that her tickets were hard to come by. Well, not just that, but because of the scalpers. Thanks to scalpers with the help of genius software, people were paying big dollars for her tickets. Its been reported that tickets were even going for up to $4500!

So now you’re wondering how, and why. Well, using that genius software I mentioned, these guys are able to buy all of the tickets from Ticketmaster online. And then they sell them back to the general public at crazy prices! People have been enraged enough to get state governments to investigate the practice. Matter of fact, Ticketmaster plans to sue (if the haven’t already) the creater of the software. So much for “live and let live”. But this is about my daughter, and I know you’re wondering, where I’m going with this.

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Well instead of encouraging her to continue to do well in school, I’m gonna have her drop out. I’m gonna do what Joe Jackson did back in the day. Only difference, my daughter is not gonna be allowed to play with mice. I mean, it can’t be hard because its just her as opposed to managing a whole band like the Jackson 5.

So you’re wondering, “RiPPa, you’re not famous like Billy Ray Cyrus.” Of course I’m not! But was Joe Jackson famous? No he was not! But he was a crazy black man that knew how to whoop some ass, and get results! Now, I’m gonna be a little different. I’m not gonna beat my daughter’s ass or anything; I don’t wanna go to jail. I mean, that would totally ruin my plan. Instead, I’m gonna make her a big star, maybe even bigger than “Hannah Montana”. I’m gonna use the internet to do it! I’m gonna use my internet fame and genius marketing skills.

Remember in “Coming To America” what “Mr McDowell” did with resturant? Remember his being a ripofff from McDonalds that he called “McDowells”? He even had the golden M’s, remember? Well, I’m gonna do the same thing. I mean, c’mon, what’s wrong with a black man stealing from the white man? They stole us from Africa, so I see it as a little payback. I’m gonna make my daughter the black “Hannah Montana”.

Instead of Disney, we’re gonna do a show on BET and its gonna blow up. Don’t tell me that its not! Last time I checked, BET needs programing for kids, and that way people will stop bitching about half naked chicks in videos. So yeah, its gonna blow up, and I’m gonna get paid! Instead of “Hannah Montana” black kids are gonna be screaming “Waneesha Wyoming”, and you parents are gonna pay for tickets to her show. My daughter is gonna be happy, I’m gonna be rich, and Joe Jackson will still be wearing a Jeri Curl.