Eco.Soul.Intellectual’s 7 Conspiracy Theories

1. Wyclef Jean put in his bid to run as the Haitian-Head-of-State because Lauryn Hill’s return to the stage is really about to make him look stupid. Now who needs a psychiatrist?

2. Korean women who wax black women are really trying to rip the black off of them. Trust me, I’ve got a rash on my thighs and a fucked up bikini line to show for it. It’s official, I’m switching to an Indian salon. They know something about kinky hair.

3. Former White House Social Secretary, Desiree Rodgers accepted the CEO position at Ebony so she can get back closer to her secret love, Barack Obama. Go get your man…but watch out for Michelle. She don’t play that shit.

4. Wig glue damages the brains of lace-front wearers into thinking that their new hairline really looks authentic.

5. The Miami Heat merger was conducted by two Santeria priests and Fidel Castro in a Jewish synagogue. But I ain’t hating, I’m putting 30 chickens, a goat and seven white candles on LeBron and dem.

6. Carol Daughter’s products lost their quality once they expanded. I really miss the hair oils that were concocted in a kitchen sink, but had so much love in them.

7. Black bloggers are heavily surveillanced by the New York Times, Washington Post, Perez Hilton and TMZ to jack our shit.

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