Chris Brown: Epic Fail or Big Middle Finger?

By Seattle Slim

I was over at Crunk and Disorderly and noticed that it was a teaser/trailer for some abomination called 12 Strands featuring Chris Brown. At first, I wasn’t going to click on it. Then again, I decided that Chris Brown seems to invite fuckery. So I clicked and was assaulted by this:

12 Strands (Matrix) Teaser from Gloob Marketing on Vimeo.


Now, my first question is, why would someone in his position–having been convicted of domestic violence and still generally seen as a pariah despite his coalition of the naive and gullible–be engaged in various acts of physical violence in a trailer?

I realize that Chris Brown stans will see nothing wrong with this, but then again, what afflicts them is out of my psychology textbook, so we might as well leave their opinions to science. For those of us who are not bamboozled easily, this video comes as no surprise. It, for those of us who weren’t fooled by some tears, whining, a Messiah complex and a silly bow tie, gives credence to our warnings and our understanding of this grown ass man who has yet to show the masses some semblance of growth.

In this trailer, Chris Brown can be seen engaging in his usual “I am so troubled and persecuted” dramatics, but he goes on to do some serious fight scenes, complete with hooks to the freaking dome! Rihanna game proper, eh, Chris? Then, he engages in a lusty kiss with some model, while another model watches. He sure does respect the ladies!

A little misogyny, a whole lot of violence and some inner turmoil. Sounds like he grew up. We should TOTALLY give him a chance, because he’s young and he’s changed, right?

This would be like a convicted drug dealer or addict putting out their own bootleg version of Scarface. Is this something that someone who is on a quest for self-improvement after a brutal crime would do? The fact that Mr. Brown sees fit to engage in this foolish and vain trailer at this juncture in his “career” shows that he does not have the ingredients or the brain power necessary to succeed.

At the end of the day, I thought the kid was a mediocre singer at best, and he was unattractive to me. I was never wowed by the kid, so I’ve no special reason to see his career ruined. I never supported it in the first place. And as for me personally forgiving him, that would mean that I would have to give a damn about the guy on a personal level. However, from the consumer aspect, Chris Brown has just shown us with this little video that he is incapable and unworthy of being a celebrity that is celebrated and showered with accolades.  To hell with anyone else, I am talking about Chris.

Either he is plain stupid, his PR is out to sabotage him or he just doesn’t give a damn.  Of course his stans will enable him long enough for him to have a little money to live comfortably, but he can kiss world domination  and a global empire goodbye.  While that cat was sleeping, Justin Bieber came up, and took all his work.  And honestly, he could’ve stood some semblance of a chance, but engaging in behavior that would be conducive to putting out tripe on video, is exactly why Chris Brown won’t ever be what he once was. 

We all know the name of the game in the industry.  Don Imus and Dog the Bounty Hunter are good examples of this.  And those are just the white guys.  There have been plenty of embattled black artists who did some public penitence, T.I. comes to mind with his MTV specials, who’ve gone on to keep the money flowing and keep it moving.  Hell, Kanye will still make money after assaulting white people’s favorite white girl, Taylor Swift, verbally last year.  That, to white folks, was worse than anything Chris could’ve done to Rihanna.  You know, Taylor was a sugary, sweet blonde haired, blue eyed country singer.  They would’ve lynched ‘Ye if they could’ve… Fuck a Rihanna.  Penitence and some time away does a career good in this industry.  It’s not like the American masses are that much smarter than Chris Brown’s most rabid fans. 

I want him to join Mel Gibson (and a couple of other knuckleheads that are too many to name) on a barge to some tiny, uninhabited island in the South Pacific and stay there bashing each other into the sand…

Mel: “Chris, if you get raped by a pack of n****rs, it will be your fault!”

Chris: *punch* *kick* *slap*

I see a match made in heaven. Roman Polanski can film the entire thing, and it will be all good.