Where Yo’ Man At?

Celebrity gossip… Despite rumblings to the contrary, I think it’s fair to surmise that on some level we all love getting a voyeuristic peek into a celebrity’s love life… particularly when things start to unravel for one person… multiple times.

When news broke about the demise of Jennifer Lopez’s marriage to Marc Anthony, media speculation went into overdrive as they relayed ‘it’s been brewing for a while’ type tidbits from “sources” allegedly close to the couple. However, the most amusing (or sad depending on how you look at it) commentary was found on the comments section of celebrity blogs that reported the split. Most of the clucking came from women who opined that JLo just couldn’t seem to keep a man to save her soul, as they ticked off the list of her famously failed relationships. One online African-American forum cut right to the chase, titling the topic’s discussion “J-Lo can’t keep a man either!” 

Speculation about Marc Anthony’s dating history or why he couldn’t sustain his previous marriage was nowhere to be found amidst the feedback. Just folks weighing in on what her issues might be, because someone that hot has to have a whole slew of problems, since can’t ever keep a man in her life… Non?

And the backlash Halle Berry received (and still receives, now that she’s moved on with another paramour)– after her split from Gabriel Aubry was most disturbing. Despite Halle’s reported history of splitting from abusive men and people not really having any substantive details about her most current split beyond what the media reported, most still argued that Halle (considered one of the most beautiful women in the world) was not-quite-right in the head and is probably a raging lunatic unable to sustain intimacy with any man… It was her, her, all her! Most driving their argument home by insinuating she undoubtedly had to be afflicted with The Crazies  because she “even drove a White man away”… She just can’t keep no man… Not even a White one!

Even more troubling… women started valuing their own dating stock based on Halle’s troubled relationship history: “Damn! If Halle can’t keep a man, then there’s no hope for us!” the chorus sang.

Listen, women who calculate their own dating potential based on JLo’s or Halle’s respective love lives is troubling in and of itself. That some women are emphatic in their judgment of notable other women for having broken up with one or two (or three) men is foolish because at the end of the day, the success (or failure) of your own marriage or love life has absolutely zero to do with beautiful Halle or curvaceous JLo’s fleeting courtships and everything to do with you determining what you want to get out of a relationship with a potential partner, despite being an average Josephina.  Imagine that.

It seemingly doesn’t even matter whether or not Halle or JLo may’ve been in relationships with men who weren’t totally vested in being committed to them because beautiful, rich, famous women who’re unable to hold on tight to a man seems like reason enough to judge them as damaged beyond repair and then write off any possibility of finding a compatible mate for ourselves. Perhaps prior experiences prompted Halle Berry and Jennifer Lopez to be more discerning and no-nonsense in their capacity for nonsense… perhaps they are in fact cynical, flaky, and unstable…  Perhaps women (and men) should worry about how they navigate and cultivate their own personal relationships in their normal, everyday lives and stop juxtaposing it next to some celebrity’s, in an effort to determine whether they’ll succeed at love. Human is as human does.  Why do some women think their dating luck hinges on whether famous women with infamous relationship histories can keep a man or not?