Mitt Romney: Jobs in the Middle East Only Cure for Angry Muslims [#MuslimRage]

Ok, I know; yes, he really did say that. No, this isn’t one of those headlines from The Onion that has anything to do with rolling down airplane windows. No, this is real life Mitt Romney, folks. As if we needed to be convinced that Romney is out-of-touch with the lives of human beings, Mitt, quite the foreign policy expert made the case for peace in the Middle East.

Speaking in New York and introduced by non other than Bill Clinton at his annual forum, the Clinton Global Initiative. Mitt was given the perfect opportunity to show the world what real leadership on the world stage should, and can look like, should he become president of the United States.

In doing so, he made it quite clear that he “would never apologize for America.” But forever the successful business person and Harvard MBA turned über rich guy, Mitt spoke of “Prosperity Pacts” as the plan for peace in the Middle East. Saying that he is “often asked why, and what can we do to lead the Middle East to stability, to ease the suffering and the anger and the hate,” the perpetual American embarrassment offered the following comments in his speech today:

“Religious extremism is certainly part of the problem. But that’s not the whole story.

The population of the Middle East is young, particularly compared with the population of the West. And typically, these young people have few job prospects and the levels of youth unemployment across the region are excessive and chronic. In nations that have undergone a change in leadership recently, young people have greater access to information that was once carefully guarded by tyrants and dictators. They see the good as well as the bad in surrounding societies. They can now organize across vast regions, mobilizing populations. Idle, humiliated by poverty, and crushed by government corruption, their frustration and anger grows.

In such a setting, for America to change lives, to change communities and nations in the Middle East, foreign aid must also play a role. And the shape that role should take was brought into focus by the life and death of Muhammed Bouazizi of Tunisia, the street vendor whose self-immolation sparked the Arab Spring.

He was just 26-years-old. He had provided for his family since he was a young boy. He worked a small fruit stand, selling to passers-by. The regular harassment by corrupt bureaucrats was elevated one day when they took crates of his fruit and his weighing scales away from him.

On the day of his protest, witnesses say that an officer slapped Bouazizi and he cried out, ‘Why are you doing this to me? I’m a simple person, and I just want to work.’

I just want to work.

Work. That must be at the heart of our effort to help people build economies that can create jobs for people, young and old alike. Work builds self-esteem. It transforms minds from fantasy and fanaticism to reality and grounding. Work will not long tolerate corruption nor quietly endure the brazen theft by government of the product of hard-working men and women.”

And there you have it, folks. Finally, a solution to he thousands of years of unrest in the Middle east: work. It’s too bad that God never thought of that idea instead of sending Jesus as the answer. Heck, all God had to do was send Joseph Smith a few thousand years sooner, and things would be better in the Middle East. Let’s be honest: without Joseph Smith there’d be no Mitt Romney. And obviously without a Mitt Romney, those brown people in the Middle east would exist as the angry-but-shiftless people that they we’ve known them to be. And why? Because they don’t have jobs.

And of course everybody knows that not having a job tends to make brown people wake up every morning throwing rocks out of anger after strapping bombs to themselves. Yeah, why would anyone in the Middle East choose to be peaceful if America is hoarding all of the jobs in the world, right?

So how will Romney establish peace in the Middle east?

One former president, one would-be: Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney (left), spoke this morning at former President Bill Clinton’s annual forum in New York City. President Obama addresses the Clinton Global Initiative later today.

“To foster work and enterprise in the Middle East and in other developing countries, I will initiate ‘Prosperity Pacts.’ Working with the private sector, the program will identify the barriers to investment, trade, and entrepreneurialism in developing nations. In exchange for removing those barriers and opening their markets to U.S. investment and trade, developing nations will receive U.S. assistance packages focused on developing the institutions of liberty, the rule of law, and property rights.

We will focus our efforts on small and medium-size businesses. Microfinance has been an effective tool at promoting enterprise and prosperity, but we must expand support to small and medium-size businesses that are too large for microfinance, but too small for traditional banks.

The aim of a much larger share of our aid must be the promotion of work and the fostering of free enterprise. Nothing we can do as a nation will change lives and nations more effectively and permanently than sharing the insight that lies at the foundation of America’s own economy — free people pursuing happiness in their own ways build a strong and prosperous nation.”

No word on whether anyone in Syria, Turkey, or the Palestinians are excited about the possibility of finding employment. But you gotta admit: jobs for oil sounds a lot better than that last war for oil program. That is, unless he decides to outsource American jobs to Muslim 47-percenters.