Ben Carson May Be Low-Energy, But He Will Stab A Bitch

First off, let me just say that I don’t understand this Ben Carson thing. Word on the street is that in a few polls, Ben Carson is actually beating Donald Trump. Yes, in Iowa, of all places. According to reports, BenCarson’s lead in Iowa is due in large part to his support among white evangelical women.


"I ain't a killer but don't push me!" - Dr. Ben Carson
“I ain’t a killer but don’t push me!” – Dr. Ben Carson

Apparently Ben Carson has the unique ability to make post-menopausal white women in Iowa Moist. Yes, he’s like Barry White, Luther Vandross, and Steve Urkel all rolled into one. And, it’s to the extent that it wouldn’t be a surprise to see some blue-haired white woman throw her panties on the stage while he’s on the campaign trail in the Hawkeye State. Donald Trump, however? Yeah, not so much.

Which is really sad because if you remember, Donald Trump went as far as to give helicopter rides to the children of would-be Republican voters out in Iowa this past summer. Ben Carson, on the other hand, has done nothing but emote pheromones  only detectable by Christian women who are really supportive of that whole homeschooling thing. But like I said, I don’t get the Ben Carson thing. To me, he’s like a big-ass gallon of spoiled milk mixed with bleach and a concentrate of stupid.

Yep, he literally turns my stomach.

Recently, I kinda sorta jokingly wrote that Ben Carson was the “Blackest Man in America Ever”. After all, he once helped a guy rob a Popeye’s in Baltimore. And, he also recently joked about hopping fences, and running from cops in Detroit as a kid.

What’s fascinating is that even with this information, Ben Carson is a serious contender to become the Republican nominee to become the President of the United States. And, much to everyone’s surprise, in some polls, he is beating Donald Trump.

Never mind the fact that Ben Carson’s top advisor, Armstrong Williams, is a fan of Min. Louis Farrakhan and the Nation Of Islam. Despite this obvious Republican presidential disqualifier, Carson, who has been no fan of a Muslim becoming president is getting a lot of love from White Christian evangelical voters. You know, the same people who largely view President Barack Obama as a secret Muslim born in Kenya?

Yet they support Ben Carson in spite of everything I’ve noted, that has been documented by the media, and even spoken directly from Ben Carson’s mouth. And of course, me and my liberal friends pointing this hypocrisy certainly makes us racist.

This past Sunday on Meet The Press, Ben Carson managed to project his inner Tupac – yes, he ain’t no killer but don’t push him – by mentioning how he almost stabbed a friend, when he was 14-years-old. Why did he do it? According to the story previously told by Carson as reported by The Daily Caller, he explained that he was angered by one of his friends changing the radio station. Which, if you know or watched Rush Hour, is right up there with calling a black man’s mother a “bitch,” or a “hoe.”

Here’s the original story:

I had real anger issues. I would just fly off the handle and really become quite irrational and try to hurt people with baseball bats, hammers, whatever. In this particular case, I happened to have a large camping knife. And, you know, one of my friends angered me. And I just lunged at his abdomen with the knife. Probably would have seriously injured or killed him, but he happened to have on a large metal belt buckle under his clothing, upon which the blade broke.


And, of course, he fled in terror. But I was more horrified than he was, because I realized that I was trying to kill somebody over nothing — and that I would never realize my dreams of becoming a physician. And I would end up in jail, reform school, or the grave. And I just locked myself in the bathroom and started praying …

Watch the Meet The Press interview below:

Now, can you imagine if then-candidate Barack Obama had let that little bit of information nonchalantly slip out in an interview back in 2007?

Now that you’ve given the previous question some serious thought. Please remember that the very people who passed around racist photos of Barack Obama as a Kenyan witch doctor with a bone in his nose are now willing to support a Ben Carson for president/ Yes, a black man who obviously has a serial killer lurking in his soul.

Seriously, as a Black Republican, Ben Carson has changed the game. And yes, it’s to the extent that “cooning” and “bootlicking” isn’t going to be the same. From here on out, instead of berating members of the black community for our lack of personal responsibility and the Democratic Party Plantation – you know, because, systemic racism is something imagined. Black Republicans will be now forced to become studio gangster rappers who tell tall tales of everyday garden variety black pathology.

That said, whether you’re black or white or whatever, aren’t you glad that there’s a St. Ronald Reagan and the 13th Apostle of Jesus, Abraham Lincoln, to wash your sins away? Even better question, isn’t it good to see a “real black man” run for president?

You know, one who will cut a bitch?

Now, how’s that for respectability politics?