Shaquan Duley, Mistakes, and Dysfunctional Families

Everyone may make mistakes, but there are some errors in judgement and actions that cannot be countenanced and that there is no easy path to redemption from. Shaquan Duley made some grave mistakes that, to this day most people are hard pressed to understand or relate to.A mother who killed her own children and initially tried to claim that their deaths were due to an “accident”.  The average mind boggles at how something so heinous could happen to two innocent little children.

Society likes to paint pictures of families and their dynamics as Norman Rockwell masterpieces.  Works of art that fit neatly into what people think or want families to be. This kind of thinking however, precludes the conversation regarding the prevalence of family dysfunction.

It is supposedly an ugly word – those family members that are bold enough to try to lay claim to some family issue are usually branded as trouble makers, ungrateful, misanthropes that should “try harder” at making their family dynamic work. This is due in part to people’s belief that all families are supposed to be perfect or damn near close to it.

Shaquan Duley's Now Deceased Children

The belief that every woman who gives birth to a child will make an ideal mother is another fallacy that – while mountains of evidence to the contrary exist, people refuse to accept. The thousands of babies born addicted to crack, neglected, and subjected to all manners of child abuse at the hands of family members, including their own mothers belies that theory of mandatory maternal instincts. There needs to be a dialog that allows for people   who do not have the family dynamic portrayed on Hallmark movie of the week or Lifetime – to speak without fear of reprisals or being branded negatively. There needs to be an understanding that becomes more widespread that recognizes that not all human beings are automatically born with empathy and a capacity to care in a positive way for others.  There needs to be an understanding that the experiences that happen in one’s life can create issues that preclude people from acting in ways that society can relate to and or understand.

Suffering in silence is what many members of dysfunctional family units are relegated to.  Some lucky souls might find there way into therapy where they can work those issues out, but so many more are forced to internalize and or self medicate in an attempt to cope with highly dysfunctional family members from mothers, fathers siblings, etc.  No one but the Duley family knows what issues the family has been facing and dealing with up to now. I would think that given the current situation with Shaquan, they would trade all the events of the last few years for some serious time spent in family counseling.

As to Shaquan herself, I do not personally know her. My heart as many others out there, felt pain at the loss of two beautiful children.  To hear her today get up  in court and plead guilty to the murder of her own two children weighs heavy on my heart.  In a horrible sense of time delay it would seem now, months later, she realizes the mistake that she made. There is nothing a court of law can do in the way of administering justice in this case. There  will not be any on this side of life.  No sentence can bring those boys back. No  punishment can equal the realization of knowing that you killed your own children  and tried to cover it up.

Some things have no reason or why and are inexplicable. Knee jerk reactions well up into emotional responses that are quick to condemn as evil that which defies our range of understanding.  Just because something defies one’s understanding, does not make it or in this case Shaquan Duley evil.

Lean not on your own understanding…..