Blacks Change Secret Handshake Because of Rachel Dolezal

TWO (2) VERY IMPORTANT MATTERS FROM THE BLACK FOLK OF THE COMMITTEE OF BLACK FOLK MAKING DECISIONS ON BEHALF OF BLACK FOLK EVERYWHERE (BFCBFMDBBFE):

  1. PRELIMINARY STEPS FOLLOWING THE #‎RACHELDOLEZAL‬ REVELATION

Following the #RachelDolezal incident, the date for the dissemination of all new Black passwords, codes, handshakes, and facial expressions/body language denoting communal affirmation has been changed.

This information was to be distributed on Saturday, June 13, 2015, via secure e-mail and the normal, informal channels and networks carrying Negro news; however, this date has been pushed forward one (1) week to Saturday, June 20, 2015. So, taking into account CPT, you should receive this information no later than late Sunday or early Monday.

We do understand the inconvenience this may cause some of you, but since this is a relatively unprecedented case, we simply wanted to do our due diligence in verifying the actual race of all those on our rolls because Vanilla Ice and Iggy Azalea.

  1. TOO SWEET SWEET TEA

We are fully aware that sweet tea should be sweet. In fact, being sweet as opposed to unsweet is sweet tea’s whole get down; it’s the signal characteristic distinguishing sweet tea from its counterpart unsweet tea.

JEROME A. POLLOS/Press Rachel Dolezal, director of education & curator of the Human Rights Education Institute, discusses the offering of Human Rights Education Institute flags Monday in response to flags flown by local hate groups.
JEROME A. POLLOS/Press
Rachel Dolezal, director of education & curator of the Human Rights Education Institute, discusses the offering of Human Rights Education Institute flags Monday in response to flags flown by local hate groups.

However, please keep in mind that sweet tea can be too sweet. Please use the following criteria to determine if your sweet tea is possibly too sweet:

  1. If your sweet tea makes people shudder when they take a sip, your sweet tea is too sweet.
  2. If your sweet tea makes people see a bunch of non-existent spots swimming around in front of them when they take a sip, your sweet tea is too sweet.
  3. If your sweet tea makes people’s skin crawl when they take a sip, your sweet tea is too sweet.
  4. If your sweet tea makes people feel as if a thousand tiny spiders are running around on their scalp, your sweet tea is too sweet.
  5. If your sweet tea contains so much sugar that it has the consistency of simple syrup, your sweet tea is too sweet.
  6. If a person can pour out half of a glass of your sweet tea and dilute the other half with water and your sweet tea still meets any of the criteria above, your sweet tea is way too sweet.

Keep in mind that it is still within the rules of blackness to sweeten your sweet tea with something other than white pure cane sugar.

In addition, these criteria should be applied to Kool-Aid as well.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Yours in blackness,

Max Reddick