Tiger Woods cheating? Beatdown by his wife? Car wreck? A “Safe Negro”…???!!!

It’s been a so-so year for Black people; yes, there have been a lot of highs and lows. The first Black president was inaugurated just before spring; which pretty much set the tone for the entire year politically and otherwise. Then some months past that most uplifting and positive event, Michael Jackson dies this summer. And now here we are moving from fall into winter, about to close out the year, and Tiger Woods gets his ass beatdown by a white woman? His wife? For cheating?? I’m sorry, not that I know the guy, but he doesn’t even look like he gets any ass or ever has! Yeah, he’s one of those “safe negroes” so never in a million years you’d imagine a story like this, right? What’s next, Bryant Gumbel on crack??

OK yeah, so it’s a rumor that his wife “allegedly” beat his ass – I only said allegedly because I ain’t trynna get sued; but truth is, we know she whooped the 1/4th black off his ass. Damn Tiger? How you gonna go out like that bruh? Yeah, I know how you Negroes do when you get rich. They forget where they come from, and the next thing you know is that they start creeping and cheating on their Caucasian wives with white girls. Uh-huh, Tiger lives next door to Wesley Snipes who is 175% black, and we all know how he gets down.

I can’t help but to think that right now there’s maybe a disgruntled sister from Tiger’s past – maybe from the 6th grade – named Sharonda who back then called him Eldrick – um, that’s his real name – as she pimped him for his ice cream money who is happy as hell because he got his ass beat by a white woman. She’s probably talking shit about him just like the rest of the females in Black America; yep, I can hear them now.

Uh-huh, they dog Chris Brown out for puttin’ speed knots on Rihanna’s forehead, but laugh at Tiger for gettin’ his cap peeled by a white girl. You know how that double standard thing works with Black folks. Oh you know the sisters are gonna talk shit about you when you get with a white girl or much less marry one. Which is funny as hell because if they had the chance to be the side chick, they would be right there with him – white wife and all.

Rumor has it – again, another attempt at me not trynna get sued – that “Cringer” has been having “relations” with some snow bunny named Rachel Uchitel. Yes, and this was “allegedly” the reason for his wife, Elin Nordegren  taking that nine iron upside his head and rearranging that ever popular winning smile of his. If your name is Gary Coleman, nobody cares that your Caucasian wife beats your ass because you’re a broke midget with an attitude. But when you’re Tiger Woods, any negative story about you will dominate the media cycle.

Car crash? Call it whatever sounds good, and less dramatic. But dude was trynna get the f*ck outta dodge behind the wheel of an automobile with a concession from where I’m sitting. This is Tiger Woods we’re talking about here; I doubt he was leaving the house at 2am to catch that 2 for 1 dance special at the local strip club, or because he had a sudden craving for pancakes from IHOP.

SIDENOTE: Is it me, or when Tiger gets a white girl, this Negro gets them authentic, doesn’t he? It’s like he snatches them up fresh off the slave ships from Sweden! I could be wrong, but that’s what I think. He gets the white girls that not even white dudes can get. Which would explain why the “white media” is intent on running this story into the ground.Yep, anything negative from a “safe negro” is just another one of those “see we told you,” moments in history. Never-mind the fact that he’s not a governor, or politician who left the country to have sex.

What’s really messed up about this whole thing. Is that Tiger’s wife has just given all white chicks in America some street cred. Because of her and her actions, white girls in interracial relationships all over the country will no longer take shit from these Negroes. Usually it’s the other way around, ain’t it? Oh c’mon, don’t look at me funny – you know that’s what the “brothers” say. Yep, they say white chicks are easier to control and that’s why they get with them.

Yeah, that plus the whole “they give head and Black women don’t,” thing. Which is bullshit because I know plenty of Black women who are easy to control who don’t give head. Yep, and maybe Tiger should have stuck with one of them instead of having everybody laughing at his ass right about now. I guess it’s a good thing white women don’t know how to cook grits. Or that my man Joey Greco from Cheaters wasn’t around

Let’s hope his Black side doesn’t get blamed for his cheating ways.