Pure F*ckery: Man in Wheelchair on Trial for Sexual Assault of a New York City Judge

OK, so you remember the story I told you about the guy who beat up his girlfriend who was a double amputee? Yeah, she had no arms and legs and yet he said it was in self defense because she often kicks his ass with her nubs; remember that story? [read it here]

Yeah well, this one is even more jacked up. No seriously, just like that other story it made me laugh because it was ridiculously twisted and totally fucked up when I read it; and for that, I offer no apologies:

In honor of yesterday being the 20th anniversary of the signing of the American with Disabilities Act by George H.W. Bush, allow me to say a few words to a few people using this case (and video) as a point of reference:

If you’re sitting on the couch playing Playstation 3 over at some fat chicks crib while you drink up the Juicy Juice meant for her kids for eight hous a day, you should kill yourself after watching the above video.

No seriously, if seeing what this guy has accomplished with his life in spite of his disability, and you’re still going nowhere fast selling the occasional sack of weed left over from what you didn’t smoke. I’d say your life needs some serious evaluation and maybe holy water.

But hey, maybe when your stupid ass catches a case you can give him a call and employ his services to get your dumb ass off. Just don’t be mad if he grabs your booty. Real talk: people with disabilities are doing big things.

But anyway, isn’t this some silly shit? How in the hell is a guy in a wheelchair, suffering with cerebral palsy gonna intentionally grab or slap some booty? And not just any booty; I’m talking judicial booty!

The muthafucka probably can’t even pull his own zipper up and down to piss, but yet he ‘s gonna play grab ass with a judge? OK, so you might say that the fact that he’s in a wheelchair and probably hasn’t had ass since ass had him might have lead to some sexual frustrations which in turn predicated his actions.

OK, so a part of me wants to believe that too, especially after reading that he might have had a thing for this particular judge and would email her constantly until she (indirectly) asked him to stop (which he did).

Shit, people in wheelchairs have needs too! Shit, I once knew a guy who had only a half of his body that I worked with, who rode around his house on a skateboard who hung out with me at a strip club a time or two.

So yeah, maybe dude had fantasies of just what “Judge Judy” may have looked like under her robe. It’s plausible; but I think to say that he intentionally attempted to cop a feel is a bit of a stretch.

I think the judge may have been freaked out by looking at the poor dude, much in the same way people are with clowns and midgets. if so, I understand. Wheelchair or not, any stalker-ish spastic guy who occasionally does the Harlem Shake in a courtroom would freak anyone out.

At any rate, I think she’s full of shit, and I hope Chico Mertsaris wins this case.