Okay, Let Folk get this straight. You got some people with shovels and rakes…


…and nobody thinks this shyt is funny? It’s funny because it’s fvcking ridiculous. Preposterous. Absurd. Ridunculous. Just plain silly.

Come on people. Really? People with shovels, rakes, and Home Depot wet vacs? Is it just Folk? Don’t anyone else think that the attempt to clean up the gulf in this fashion is a waste of time?

Seriously. Let’s break this down. Currently there is an estimated 39 millions barrels of crude oil that has spilled into the gulf. This not included the bullshyt amount of oil they’ve burned off or collected to date. But Folk digress.

One man (person, woman, child, who the fvck ever) can scoop up roughly 1/4 barrel of oil an hour in the blistering heat (this is a guestimate fvckers, shyt! You go stand in the humidity with a fvcking shovel in a full haz-mat suit shoveling and tell me how much yo’ azz can shovel). Fvck it, let’s say that fvcker bad azz and can do 1/2 a barrel an hour (plus Folk ain’t no fvcking math genius).

Now if we worked that fvcker hard and with overtime, we work that fvcker 12-14 hours a day because that fvcker hungry and want that paper. That’s 5 – 6 barrels a day! Doing good. But that fvcker got to eat and shyt (literally). And maybe piss. So let’s deduct 1.5 hours for that. Then a motherfvcker got to wipe sweat and drank water every now and then. So let’s take another 30 minutes off that. So that’s 4 – 5 barrels.

And believe Folk, this is optimistic!

Let’s give this fvcker some friends.

Let’s say…. 30,000 friends! Hell! Fvcker on Facebook and popular like a motherfvcker, so he got 49,999 friends. All these friends on the fvcking beach at the fvcking same time with shovels and rakes. They can knock out 250,000 barrels of oil filled barrels a day!

Let’s say all the oil that has spilled all of a sudden just washed the fvck up on shore. It would take them fvckers 156 days to clean up the shyt that has already spilled (and we’re only 76 days in)!

But it’s estimated that 19,000 barrels of oil is currently being dumped into the ocean daily. So let’s say it takes another 30 days to cap this shyt (it’s estimated to be 45 days but we want to be positive here). So you have to add an additional 570,000 barrels to the shyt that’s already swimming in the fvcking gulf!

Stay with Folk for a second, so we got that one guy with 49,999 friends from Facebook working their azzes off with shovels, rakes, and a wet dry vac (mind you, the generator needs gas in order for that fvcking dry/vac to work! such irony). Cleaning the fvcking beach for a total of 158 1/2 days! (..and if Folk’s arithmetic is off, fvck y’all! Told y’all Folk ain’t no math genius).

So we can clean this shyt up in 158 1/2 days! Yeah! you think! It’s possible we can clean this shyt up! Right? Wrong! First off, there isn’t some Facebook fvcker on the beach with 49,999 of his friends cleaning shyt up. And no, Folk doesn’t think the shyt will be stopped in 30 or even 45 days. There is only roughly 2,000 fvckers cleaning the beaches, with another small fraction of fvckers out in the ocean trying to skim the shyt off.

Let’s not forget the huge glob of shyt that hasn’t even made it to land!!!!

Now Folk doesn’t think what has happened is funny. Folk thinks the response and the constant images the fvcking media throws at us as “efforts are underway to clean the spill” of Facebook Frank and company cleaning the beaches, because it’s the beaches that fvckers care about (okay maybe the dolphins and turtles, fvck the fish).

If the government and BP wanted to get “serious” about the gulf oil spill, let’s begin hiring some of these unemployed fvckers who need jobs. Let’s actually put these fvckers to work. Give these fvckers shovels, rakes, and a wet/dry vac (just one). Pay these fvckers $16-18 per hour (so they can afford to live away from home). Put these teenagers to work at the federal minimum wage to pick up tar balls. Get these out of work fishing boats out in the shyt with skimmers and shyt. Why not actually clean this shyt up and actually stimulate the economy at the same fvcking time? What’s stopping us?

BP you listening? President Obama you listening? Congress y’all got an ear out? What the fvck are we doing!? We’re America and we’re playing around with this spill like a teenage boy in the bathroom with a can of oil and a Penthouse magazine. Shyt! We’re fvcked.

Find more of Folk at Black Folks Don’t Swim