My wife told me the other day that I’m not allowed to pee on her. Not that I ever had the urge, desire, or even the balls to ever ask her if I could; no, never that. She said this after reading a something in one of those women magazines on fantasies or something. It was only then that I truly realized that I was married. Not that I never knew or anything. It’s just that I can’t remember having that conversation while dating someone, whether I was serious about them or not. I mean, you just don’t say, “hey I’d like to pee on you from time to time when we have sex because that’s my thing,” no, you just don’t do that. I don’t know about you, but I think you wait until you seal the deal before bringing that up.
Now my wife and I, you see, when we were dating, before we were married, she and I had this “no holds barred” clause when it comes to sex and our sexual relationship. We were pretty open and honest with each other as to our sexual likes and dislikes, but somehow the peeing thing never came up. Nope, that discussion has not come up until now. I suppose that this is reserved for married people. However, if I’m wrong, feel free to let me know in your commentary. Now this doesn’t mean that my wife isn’t the down for whatever type, nor am I.
You see, our special clause in our relationship basically states that neither one of us should feel ashamed or afraid to ask the other about fulfilling a fantasy. This type of thing is important in my book. Having been married before now for 10yrs, there’s only so much diving off the headboard face first into the coochie one can do to add that excitement. But even in knowing my limitations, I have yet to do something purely crazy. Am I going to tell you folks some of the shit we’ve done? Hell no fucker, that’s none of your business. That’s between me, my wife, and the video camera. What the hell do I look like telling you people my sexual activities and shit like that?
[Stares around nervously]
As I looked at the pic above, I wondered to myself, “Why is this dude so happy?” I mean, is he happy because the woman with him is fine as hell? Which is a plus for him because he looks like Lionel Richie’s daddy with Alexander O’Neal sweaty forehead? Surely any man who looks like dude in the pic would be happy to be with a woman that fine, right? So maybe that’s why he’s cheesing the way he is in the pic. But then I realized…this fool has this woman on a damn leash! No joke, when I first saw this pic I totally missed that. I mean, with a woman that fine, I guess it’s easy to see how him in that ugly suit could be a little insecure. I guess that would explain the need to keep her close. Out in public? On the end of a leash?
I mean I know some people do that type of thing in the privacy of their own home. Yes, I know this. It’s something I doubt will ever give me erections, but I know for some, it’s their thing. But why in the hell would one do this in public? Could it be that this is the reason dude is smiling like he is? Could it be that it’s been his longtime fantasy to have a woman on a leash or chain as he walked into the club in pimp-like attire? Does this make him “the man” among his friends? Beyond all of that, what or where the fuck do you have to be mentally to allow a man to put a leash on you and strut you around in public like you’re at a dog show? I know this may be a fantasy for some, but let’s be real: would you really act out on some shit like this?
Now, for all I know, the whole leash thing may be cool with my wife. That said, I don’t think she would ever let me walk out in public with her hanging on a leash in tow. She may even find this empowering sexually, but even still, I seriously doubt whether she would love to walk around with my fat ass on a leash in public. That type of thing doesn’t look good at a Walmart. It being a family type atmosphere, having to explain to the kids in the environment would be awkward.
So, now I know that I cannot pee on my wife I’m cool. I mean, being married and fully committed to my wife, I don’t think any other further acts of submission is needed to prove my undying love. However, I can’t help but to think, or wonder if women would be as anxious to be married to their Knight in shining armor, if the traditional ring were replaced with a leash and chain. Now that I think of it, maybe if that were the case, more men would be willing to be married, and there’d be less single baby mommas running around these days. Yup, screw the ring, Beyonce should have made a song convincing women to wear chains instead.