My (Not so Secret) Love Affair with Porn [NSFW]

by JuJuBe (Joanna)

I love pornography. I have loved pornography since the first clip I ever saw. I believe I was 12 years old. I went to my friend Josephine’s house, and her brother invited us into his room. An on his TV screen was a couple going at it. I was fascinated, and could not get enough. Yes, I was hooked on porn from day one.

I had a conversation with a man last night who told me he could not understand the purpose of porn. Not me, I have always loved it. the dirtier the better. None of that romantic, “female” oriented porn with elaborate story lines. Nah, I like to watch people just plain going at it.

Pornography has always been about fantasy for me. I enjoy watching people do things on camera that I have always been interested in, but have not had the balls to try (yet). I also enjoy watching people engage in sex acts that kind of disgust me enough that I do not want to try them myself, yet turn me enough that I want to watch someone else engage in them (like bukkake or water sports).

And I absolutely refuse to watch “fat chick” porn. I mean, if it is about fantasy, I want to go all the way, and fantasize I am someone else entirely. If I wanted to watch a fat chick fucking, I would just install a mirror on my ceiling. This created a little difficulty in the past, because my ex and I both loved porn, but he only wanted to watch fat chicks, and I did not have any desire to see that shit!

I started out watching your ordinary boy meets girl, boy fucks girl, boy and girl go on their merry separate ways. I remember watching through the squiggly lines back when you could actually see the scrambled image on the channels that were blocked on your TV. And when we had a descrambler hooked up to the TV, I would sneak out of bed late at night to watch the Playboy channel. With the volume turned off so no one would find out about my porn addiction. I remember watching soft core straight and lesbian sex on “Electric Blue” and just thinking there was nothing better in the world.

Then, I lost my virginity I started to live with my first boyfriend in college. Our sex life was good, but rather pedestrian. Just your basic missionary style in and out type sex. I mean, it was effective if the only goal was to achieve a minor league orgasm, but my fantasy sex life had so much more depth and appeal.

My first fascination with taboo sexual acts started when I first learned about the idea of anal sex. I just KNEW that anal sex was the best thing since sliced bread. I did not dare attempt it. But, it became such an obsession that I began to collect pornography featuring straight couples having anal sex. Until my Dad found my flicks when I returned home after college. Not only did he find my stash, but he had to make a special point of laughing at the types of movies I owned. And he threw them all away. I was so humiliated, I was glad to see them go. I never wanted to be put in that embarrassing circumstance again. At first, I tried to resist the lure of pornography, but it was like a siren song calling to me. I just had to find a new hiding place for my collection.

As the years progressed, and I experimented with new sexual activities, my taste in pornography grew a little more, let’s just say, exotic. I remember sitting on the computer for 48 hours once looking at pictures and movie clips of everything from anal sex and bondage, to gangbangs and “extreme penetrations”. I printed up about 50 pornographic pictures and kept them under my mattress to view in the privacy of my bed at night.

Eventually, ordinary pornography was not enough for me. Now, in order to really be excited by a pornographic movie, it has to include certain elements that are more “extreme”. First it was anal sex. Then threesomes and group sex. After I actually fulfilled those fantasies, (yeah, I got a little freak in me) I became interested in bondage and sado-masochism. Some sort of experience that I have had only in my fantasies is always most appealing to me.

Now, I am getting tired of main stream pornography, because I have pretty much done all of the things I have fantasized about doing. So, now I lean more towards “fetish” pornography that includes bondage and pain. I am still kind of scared of experimenting in my real life with those more hard core things, as I do not have someone I trust enough to experience them with. So, for now, I just stick to watching scenes of other women acting out the things that I can only participate in in my own mind.

Of course, I say all the time that certain things are meant to be fantasies only. But, to be honest, there is a lot that I would be willing to experiment with if I had a trustworthy partner. There have been many fantasies that I watched acted out on screen for years before I had the guts to try them myself. And nine times out of ten, I enjoyed the new activity as much or even more than I imagined I would. So, anything is possible. Maybe in a few years, I will be talking about how much I love real life bondage or S & M. Hey, you never know!