Maybe A Dingo Ate Her Baby Bump

Beyonce… love her or hate her; for better or for worse, she’s part of an elite breed of super-pop stars who seem as if they’re bred strictly to entertain and generate massive amounts of cash-moolah. They’re well oiled automatons, with giant PR machines behind them helping generate hype. These super-pop stars seemingly have the capability to cause mass hysteria to such a degree, that rabid fans the world over collectively start convulsing, crying, and reaching out to brush fame with their fingertips, after which they have a genital-quake of epic proportions in their pants and then pass out.

Beyonce causes these sorts of reactions when she gently glides before her fans. They love her, they adore her, they want to mimic her spastic pelvic twerks and jerk-like dance moves. They want to know everything about her and are very protective of her… In fact, it’s borderline deification and they’ll kill anyone dead, if they dare speak ill of their super-pop goddess idol.  The impact of her fame is undeniable and if there’s one other thing I’m also certain about, it’s that she’s a polarizing pop-culture figure and people watch everything she does closely, even the minutiae… including her strong detractors. Theorists have accused her of being the poster child for the elusive Illuminati and feminist bloggers have dissected her girl-empowerment anthems, questioning whether or not she’s truly equipped to espouse rhetoric about girls running the world.  The woman generates dialogue… legitimate and asinine.

With a gesture one celebrity blogger deemed a “Stunt Queen move”, Beyonce lovingly framed what appeared to be a growing baby-bump on the red carpet of the 2011 MTV VMAs, people had a fit. Since I didn’t have any power due to Hurricane Irene’s angry, dark-sided wrath, I missed the spectacle, but read the myriad of reactions via Twitter, right before my phone’s battery decided to die and officially cut me off from the rest of the world. One of the common memes I read while swathed in the darkness, were folks suddenly bashing single, unmarried mothers.  Even after my power was restored and I caught up with still buzzing social media forums, folks were rejoicing as if a baby were growing in their very own wombs, and used the news to continue to berate single mothers for not being married to a multimillionaire rap mogul. “See ladies?? This is how you do it!” Many chided. And so Beyonce not only became a super-pop star and spokesperson for the Illuminati (allegedly)… she was christened Patron Pop Saint of No Wedding No Wombdom. So it is with amusement that I read some of the very same people, who mocked single mothers for being unwed, perpetuating the “Beyonce Ain’t Really Pregnant and Has a Fake Baby Bump” mess currently sweeping the Ignanet. The woman squats to sit down for an interview, and the fabric of her dress billows/folds awkwardly in the process and suddenly she’s padding her belly for attention… Really folks? Even the Daily Mail took the non-news story and ran with it.  Suddenly, people started speculating on her fertility and accused the couple of having secretly secured the services of a surrogate.

Usually ignoring most rumors surrounding her being, Beyonce’s spokespeople vehemently shot down rumors that she’s wearing a fake baby bump, calling the claim “stupid, ridiculous and false.”  Short, concise, and fitting for such foolery.

I wonder what will be cooked up next once Beyonce finally pushes out her fake (allegedly) baby…  …  …  And do people continue to be adamant about policing a woman’s womb or uterus?