Guest Blogger: Things Articulate Black Guys Don’t Like: The Social Edition (by Slim Jackson)

(Editor’s Note: This posts comes from Slim Jackson of the blog Three Ways To Take It. Just in case you didn’t know anything about that blog; allow me to influence you decision to become a regular reader… the blog is funny as hell! It was voted Best New Blog in the 2009 Black Weblog Awards. Need I say more? Anyway, ad his blog to your blogroll, and be sure to follow slim on twitter @slimjackson; Enjoy!)

When I began this entry, I was sitting in a Boston bar/club. The music was blaring and people were drunkenly staggering by. Twas a sober night for Slim. The things that I observe when I’m not amongst the intoxicated are amazing. Though I’m not going to compile a monstrous list like you see on so many blogs, I have come up with a few things that Articulate Black Guys (like myself) Don’t Like:  

Excessively Drunk Bunnies Attempting Hip Hop Dances

While sitting and chatting with a few friends from college, I observed this girl crash onto the alcohol and condensation covered floor in a poor attempt to execute the Soulja Boy. Her draws were exposed for about 10 seconds before someone decided to help the wayward girl to her feet. Being that I was sober and in assh*le mode, I thought I would further ridicule her by pointing and laughing in a “haaa haaa” fashion. On another night, this could have been me…well, not really. I’d prolly have lost my shirt, but at least I woulda remained on my feet. Regardless, I chose to draw attention to her at an inopportune time, but it’s ok because I knew she wouldn’t remember it in the morning, and ultimately I’m still a nice guy. However if she does remember, she probably hates Black men now.

Women Repeatedly Producing Rank Booty Gas in the Presence of Men in Confined Spaces

The other interesting thing about this night was the bubbly girl sitting with us. Some of the fellas commented on her attractiveness. She was a pretty happy and energetic person. When she left the table to go back to the dance floor, I was informed of something terrible. I found out that she had a serious gas problem. Apparently there had been several occasions where the smell of booty gas permeated the air. Given her small and innocent demeanor (She was all of 5’3 and like 110 lbs.), nobody had suspected her at first. But as the odor continued to sporadically return, the common link was her presence. It didn’t take a CSI investigator (Cue the theme music to CSI Miami) to figure out who the culprit was. This took her collective 8 out of 10 attractiveness rating amongst the fellas down to a 4. This definitely goes on the list of Things Articulate Black Guys Don’t Like…and when being bubbly goes wrong.

Girls/Women Pushing Past Me to Get to the Bar When I was There First

All I wanted was a Corona. Just 1 Corona. As I patiently waited, I noticed I was nudged quite forcefully by a couple of girls who didn’t even carry enough cash to cover the drinks they ordered. Now let me make this clear, Chivalry is not dead. However, having the chromosome make up of a woman only goes so far in getting advantages. Bumping past me to get a drink doesn’t fly. They were verbally “checked” and I got my Corona before they got their overpriced drinks. Equal Opportunity wins and that’s the bottom line because Slim Jackson said so.

People Giving Me the Puppy Dog Eyes on the Train Because They Want My Seat

This didn’t happen in the club, but it happens regularly. I purposely chose to sit 4 seats down from the seat for the handicapped and elderly. Looking at me with a face of distress because I’m a man in a suit and probably have manners does not mean you get my seat. I had a long work day too, so you need to fall back. Effer. So these are just a few social scenarios that I don’t like. What type of things piss you off when you are out and about in the streets or at social functions? C’mon, I know you got at least one thing to contribute!

Blogging Aggressively and Articulately,

Slim Jackson