Dear Abraham Lincoln, Can the ‘Colored Folks’ Get That Wide-Screen TV You Promised? Yeah, Mark Williams is a Douche

Between the antics of Mel Gibson, and Tea Party leader Mark Williams, I’d say that White America is in serious need of a PR person this week. May I suggest Ryan Seacrest? Seriously, anytime you have Newt Gingrich stepping in as mediator between the NAACP and the Tea party much like Dr Benjamin Chavis; and, suggesting a ‘dialogue’ or sit down between them both? Yeah, you have to realize that the GOP doesn’t want their image any more tarnished than is. This in my book makes for good politics.

Now of course I realize that asking Tea Party leaders to condemn or root out the racist element(s) among them is pretty much like trying to force Affirmative Action on the Klu Klux Klan. However, for the GOP’s sake, Gingrich’s suggestion is one which in the interest of a talk show make-over is genius. Sure it may not last; and yes, the make-up may soon fade away. But this is the very opportunity sought after by the NAACP in my book. Sadly, Mark Williams rightfully went into defense mode, but went about it the wrong way.

I’m sorry, but the following letter to Abraham Lincoln posted to Williams’ blog the other day doesn’t help matters any. If it was meant to be a satirical approach to the issue, he failed miserably; and if anything, helped to prove the NAACP’s claim. Yep, certainly not a good look for a supposed “leader” within the Tea Party movement. Hell, now I’m left to wonder if he was the brains behind the “Yup, I’m a Racist” T-Shirts being sold in Lexington Kentucky on the fourth of July.

Check out the letter:
Dear Mr. Lincoln,

We Coloreds have taken a vote and decided that we don’t cotton to that whole emancipation thing. Freedom means having to work for real, think for ourselves, and take consequences along with the rewards. That is just far too much to ask of us Colored People and we demand that it stop!

In fact we held a big meeting and took a vote in Kansas City this week. We voted to condemn a political revival of that old abolitionist spirit called the ‘tea party movement’.

The tea party position to “end the bailouts” for example is just silly. Bailouts are just big money welfare and isn’t that what we want all Coloreds to strive for? What kind of racist would want to end big money welfare? What they need to do is start handing the bail outs directly to us coloreds! Of course, the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People is the only responsible party that should be granted the right to disperse the funds.

And the ridiculous idea of “reduce[ing] the size and intrusiveness of government.” What kind of massa would ever not want to control my life? As Coloreds we must have somebody care for us otherwise we would be on our own, have to think for ourselves and make decisions!

The racist tea parties also demand that the government “stop the out of control spending.” Again, they directly target coloreds. That means we Coloreds would have to compete for jobs like everybody else and that is just not right.

Perhaps the most racist point of all in the tea parties is their demand that government “stop raising our taxes.” That is outrageous! How will we coloreds ever get a wide screen TV in every room if non-coloreds get to keep what they earn? Totally racist! The tea party expects coloreds to be productive members of society?

Mr. Lincoln, you were the greatest racist ever. We had a great gig. Three squares, room and board, all our decisions made by the massa in the house. Please repeal the 13th and 14th Amendments and let us get back to where we belong.


Precious Ben Jealous, Tom’s Nephew NAACP Head Colored PersonNow the letter has since been removed from Williams’ site; and, Williams’ Tea Party Express has been expelled by the Tea Party Federation. This really begs to question whether such a move is symbolic, or if actually done with the full intent of distancing themselves from such a racially insensitive mindset in the face of the public.

But maybe Williams knows something we don’t know. Word on the street is that Barack Obama is looking to push for an additional economic stimulus. Surely black folks are going to expect wide-screen televisions this time around to go with the reparation that was Health Care Reform. I mean, why should everyone living in the projects not want (or expect) wide-screen TVs on their walls and some of that Obama money?

Now of course you folks who’ve been reading this site for while are probably of the opinion that much of what I say is not different satirically relative to Williams’ blog post titled, Colored People Change Minds about Emancipation. But, the thing is, unlike Williams, I don’t represent a national political organization. And, like all black people, I have no aversion to a “hand out”. The truth is, I’m just a colored boy who would love nothing better that to get a wide-screen TV up on my wall just in time for football season.