Damn I was at the zoo that day!

I love the summer; every summer I reminisce about when I was a kid and out of school. Back in the day we had two months to have fun in the sun. Which is kinda funny because now that I’m grown I don’t remember it ever being as hot as it is nowadays. When we were kids those days would last forever. The only time things would speed up was when the summer was almost over. As an adult, things are different. Its as though the days just zoom by. Before you know it, it’s gonna be Labor day; the official end of the summer.

Being a kid in the summertime was the best times ever. Well at least until they started showing those “Back To School” commercials on TV. That’s when depression would set in and the realization of it coming to and end was evident. Just the thought of going to bed earlier than normal made me sick. It was like becoming a crack addict for two months and then suddenly waking up in rehab after an intervention. Even though it was good for you, it was still bullshit. That’s why parents take time out in the summer to do stuff for, or with their kids. It gives the kids stuff to talk about when they get into “rehab”, or go back to school. I mean who wants to be the kid that didn’t do shit all summer, right?

Remember when going to the zoo as a kid was cool? It was the closest you could ever get to wild nature. Well that’s only if you didn’t grow up in a Jerry Springer-like family. As an adult, I’ve been to the zoo a few times with my daughter. But its different when you’re grown. Its like a lot of unnecessary walking; walking that you paid for. But your kid loved it, and that’s all that matters. The only reason I’d go to the zoo by myself is because the monkeys might be throwing turds that day. Feeding time used to be entertaining but most zoo animals are fed at night or early morning so they spend the rest of the day sleeping. And even if you do get to see them eat, it’s some weird vitamin rich special lion diet that’s fed to them in a pan through a trap door. You don’t get to see a lion chase down prey like it would it in the wild.

Every now and then a TV show will give you video of a polar bear biting a spectator or a Tiger biting a zoo keeper. I know these events are horrible but when I see the footage there’s part of me that goes, “DAMN I WISH I WAS AT THE ZOO THAT DAY!!!” Those people got their $7 worth. And then there was the guy back in 2004 who jumped into a Lion’s den in an attempt to convert the Lion’s to Christianity.

“The 46-year-old man leaped into the den of African lions and shouted “Jesus will save you,” according to the report. He also said, “Come bite me” before one of the male lions attacked and bit the man. Video showed the lion ripping a jacket off the man at the zoo in Taiwan’s capital, clawing him and then biting the man in the leg.Zoo workers were able to drive off the lion with water hoses and tranquilizer guns.The lions were fed earlier in the day otherwise the man might have been more seriously injured or killed.”[SOURCE]Apparently the Lions weren’t feeling his Jesus sales pitch because they bit his ass. If the zoo had properly promoted this event they would’ve sold HUNDREDS of tickets and DVDs. A man reading bible verses to lions is well worth my $7 and If “Lion Jesus Man” came to Memphis I’d sleep outside the box office the night before. I want to be front row for that rush. I bet the kids that saw his ass had a lot to talk about in school that semester. Matter of fact, just a few weeks ago a zoo keeper was attacked by a tiger here in Memphis. I wish I was there to see it, but hey that’s just my luck. If you can’t afford to do a whole lot this summer, take time out to go to the zoo. Take the kids, show them a good time. You never know, somebody just might get ate up that day, and I know you wouldn’t wanna miss that. Besides, it’s a lot cheaper than Six Flags.