Bishop Eddie Long Anointed King, and the Church Say… Negro Please!!

So it’s Groundhog Day and I heard Puxatawney Phil looked out and saw the GOP field. Yep, four more years of Obama. Of course this might be great news for Democrats or anyone riding the anti-Romney train; but, I’m not sure if four more years of president Obama really means anything. Oh no, not that I’m suggesting that he hasn’t done any good, or that four more years of Obama is bad for America.

Nope, never that; instead, I’m just wondering how the already minimal power of the president will be usurped by the King of the United States. Oh, you haven’t heard?

There’s a new King, and yes, he does live in the United States. More importantly, or I should say most importantly, he is a Black man. Oh, and would you believe it? He’s not even the King of Pop, the King of R&B, or even the Blues. Not sure why he’s a King, but he is and we must embrace him.

OK, see, I’m going back to bed now because y’all Black folks play too much. No seriously, some of y’all church folk take this stuff too serious. You mean to tell me that Eddie Long is now a KING? No seriously, he is now anointed as the KING of… er, umm… Atlanta? Zamunda?? The King of the Black Church?? The King of burgers??? What, is this what’s poppin’ in Black churches these days? Fucking performance art?!! What’s next? Passing off pole dancing as praise dancing?

And did they really carry this Negro around on their shoulders like Strage from the movie Boomerang? Didn’t this fool just settle a civil suit for $15 million over some alleged gay pedophile shit? Oh you thought we forgot about the extra-smedium muscle shit pics?

I’m all for forgiveness and all that, but this shit right here… No disrespect to my friends down in Atlanta, but y’all Negroes have gone down hill since they took away Freaknik, and y’all are obviously bored as fuck. . But hey, maybe unlike Obama, King Eddie Long will bring that awesomely awesome Negro festival back. Hell, somebody has to clean the royal penis, right? I just hope the congrgation at New Birth doesn’t wind up in Africa all dead after some grape-Kool Aid-drinking mass suicide shit. Because at this point, this ain’t church, this is a damn cult of foolishness and fuckery.

It ain’t gonna be funny when dude starts wearing a sparkling lace-front and starts calling himself Jesus.