As Seen on TV Products Will Never be the Same Again – Billy Mays Found Dead at 50

I guess it’s safe to say that the recession has caught up to the Angel of Death. That muthaf*cka has been putting in overtime like a mugg this week! First he killed John & Kate’s marriage forcing John to move in with the midgets on TLC. Then he scooped up Ed McMahon, and went on to grab Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson in the same day. Then now I wake up to hear that Billy Mays the famous TV pitch-man for anything that costs $19.95 was found dead in his home at the age of 50. Damn, it sure has been a bad week for White folks. Of course Michael Jackson’s death trumps the competition hands down, but I’d be remiss if I didn’t touch on the death of Billy Mays. I mean after all, I did put the Shamwow Guy on blast a few months ago.

I don’t know much about Billy Mays; who he was, where he came from etc. But I do know that he had a way of screaming to me in promoting any product he was peddling. Often it was his screaming that made me think of making a purchase once he got past the famous intro, “Hi, Billy Mays here!” I always thought he looked like a late 70’s/early 80’s porn star/WWF wrestler; I don’t know, I think it was the beard or the “Ravishing Rick Rude” likeness; you almost felt like he would bust your ass if you didn’t pay attention. Sometimes I must admit, his commercials were annoying, but you damn sure remember them as much as his famous thumbs up.

It was his voice in commercials that grabbed your attention. Personally, I think somebody should have given him a “Just Say No to Drugs” or a “Wrap it Up” HIV/AIDS commercial. Something in me tells me that more people would pay attention if they did. Maybe he can live on as a pixie or something. Just as you’re about to do some dumbshit he’ll yell in your ear and get you to straighten up your act or at least think about buying some Oxyclean. Hopefully his death is not some fake story like the death of Jeff Goldblum. Not that Billy was annoying to me as The Fly. I just don’t want him living on like Elvis or worse: him hounding me as a bill collector. Lets hope his death isn’t shrouded with controversy the likes of Michael Jackson. If it is discovered that he overdosed on Oxyclean I don’t think my life would be the same again.

Here’s to you Billy Mays…

the only known human being to speak in ALLCAPS.

P.S. I wonder if he was louder than the women he had sexual relationships with?