Allen West: DC Residents Not Suffering with Unemployment or Foreclosures

You know, I’m really gonna miss Michael Steele once he’s gone in January. However, I’m kinda glad that there’s a new Negro in town in Washington DC. Yes, Allan West is his name, and yes, as I’ve mentioned before, he is truly the symbol of our arrival at a blissful post-racial utopia in Amuur’cuh.

As I do almost every week, I wanted to use him the centerpiece for my slave-catcher of the week award. But I decided against it because, him being a black republican having won a seat in Congress on the Tea Party ticket means that Amuur’cuhs are not hung up on race anymore; yes, Jim Crow is dead.

So even though I heard him say some things that are slave-catcher-like on yesterday’s Meet The Press with David Gregory, I decided to change my ways.

Obviously we’ve entered a new era in racial politics so I figured, well, maybe I’ll give the brotha a chance since he might know more than I do. So here he is advocating for the permanent extension of the Bush Tax Cuts yesterday, and said something that has left a profound and indelible mark:

So, did you get that? No seriously, did you get what he was saying? Alright, for you slow bus riders, he basically said that Washington DC is the land and milk and honey. When asked about the argument against the extension of the tax cuts which have largely benefited the rich, he said:
No. I think that we need to extend those tax cuts permanently across the board. Look, I come from a – an area down in South Florida where unemployment is at 13 percent, foreclosures are absolutely high. We are seeing closed upon closed storefronts. But yet, when you walk around here in Washington, D.C., you don’t see people getting laid off, you don’t see, you know, anyone suffering, you don’t see the foreclosures.Right; Washington DC is absolutely unlike anywhere else in Amuur’cuh. Yep, you don’t see anyone getting laid off, no foreclosures, and absolutely no suffering. Never-mind there is enough research and data to debunk his claim; hell, what do those people know. He’s there, he said it, and it must be true.

OK, so yeah, last year DC’s working class accounted for one of the highest rates of unemployment in the country by topping 28 percent. And yes, there is video footage of people – mostly black people – in lines wrapped around buildings as they sought free home loan counseling; but this has all changed.

See what happens when your Tea Party representatives come to town? Yep, they make shit happen; and, not only do they create post-racial happy-happy-joy-joy, they also make rainbows appear. Yes, since Allan West has arrived in Washington DC, the city has been transformed.

Yep, and obviously extending tax cuts for the rich can do the same for the entire country. Never-mind those same tax cuts are currently in effect while everyone but the residents of DC are suffering; no, that. Who needs unemployment extensions when the real problem is that DC residents don’t suffer.

Doesn’t this man make you wanna do cartwheels of joy? I mean here I was of the opinion that most if not all black republicans were delusional slave-catching Negroes all this time. But thanks to Rep. West’s arrival in DC, my whole life has changed in ways that not even singer Ginuine can imagine.

Hell, maybe we should all move to Chocolate City, no?