Here’s Why I’ll Watch HBO’s Confederate

Is HBO’s forthcoming show Confederate a bad idea?

I personally think it’s a great idea, but that’s just me.

What’s so bad about a series set in a present day alternative universe where the South won the Civil War? In a world where the South secedes, slavery is still the order of the day? If anything, I think the series would encourage people to be more appreciative of how far we’ve come. And maybe, in doing so, some of my too-woke-to-vote negro cousins will understand the power of full citizenship. In other words, there could be a greater appreciation for political engagement, civic duty, and all that democracy shit many of us unappreciative motherfuckers despise. Especially if there’s a third Civil War as promised.

But hey, that’s just me being forward thinking, hopeful, and eternally optimistic.

Unfortunately, not everyone thinks like I do. Obviously, many folks are opposed to the series coming to fruition. So much so, that many have taken to social media with the hashtag #NoConfederate. These tweets target HBO, and HBO has paid attention.

To be clear, I fully support their right to dissent; and I also respect their agency.

But real talk: I wanna to see the show.

The hashtag was started by the founder of the once viral #OscarSoWhite campaign, April Reign. Recently interviewed by The Root, Reign is vehemently opposed to HBO profiting from the pain of black folks. Reign is joined in the effort by Theodore-Vachon, screenwriter and filmmaker Lauren WarrenShanelle Little, and Black Girl Nerds founder and managing editor Jamie Broadnax.

“The five of us came together and wanted to do something targeted about Confederate because we are concerned that there is going to be yet another show that monetizes the pain of black people, and we have truly had enough,” Reign told The Root.

“If HBO wants to do a show about the enslavement of black people, Underground exists, and it’s still looking for a home, and that is helmed by a black woman,” Reign said. “HBO could actually pick up that show, and we would all support that,” she added.

From that, I could only conclude that Reign’s real beef with Confederate, is that its producers are white. Mind you, these are the same producers responsible for the hit show Game of Thrones on HBO that many of my friends watch regularly. As such, for her, a white producer profiting from the plight of black folks is problematic. In the case of Underground – which is also centered on slavery – to Reign, the producer being black, makes it perfectly okay for HBO to profit from the pain of black folks.

To me, this is a very bad argument.

It’s kinda like the argument that says it’s okay for black folks to use the n-word, but completely out of bounds for anyone white to do the same in any context. Like the recent debate over Bill Maher’s use of the term “House Nigga,” it basically becomes a never-ending circle-jerk. It’s much like the debate we have every year over whether we, black people, should celebrate Independence Day… because of slavery.

It’s stupid, but I digress.

Confederate Could Embolden Racists

Like many, you may be of the opinion that Confederate would empower racists. But the beauty of it, to me, is that while it may, the show is fiction. While I’m sure Confederate may give racist white men more powerful erections than Viagra can. The truth is that a show like that would be like the ultimate trolling of anyone sympathetic to the Confederacy and all it represented back in the day. Let’s be real: They fucking lost the war.

White Supremacist with dreadlocks protesting the removal of a Confederate monument in Chancellorsville, Virginia.

That said, for me, nothing is more hilarious than some white-trash-hick chugging a beer in the trailer park getting his rocks off on what could have been, as they watch the show. After watching it, they may feel the need to utter a few more n-words than normal, but, so what? In the real world, while pockets of ignorance still exist, because they were defeated by the Union Army, the life they envisioned will never become reality.

In other words, it’s like jerking off to Beyonce. Yeah, you might bust a nut when you do. However, your shriveled up peen will never see any parts of her vagina. Nor will it get within inches of it in real life. And trust me, for anyone who masturbates to Beyonce, this is tragic.

Yes, it’s like blue balls tragic.

Confederate Should Not Have Us Fearful

Yes, let HBO produce and air the show, people. While someone with a morbid sense of humor like myself may find it entertaining. Even more entertaining would be the thought of racist white folks getting joy from a show that depicts an alternate reality. You know, sorta like my kids wishing Willy Wonka was real?

As local governments currently remove monuments of the Confederacy. The series Confederate would add to their collective pain and disappointment. And guess what? I’m so here for that. So much so that I say that all Confederate monuments should be replaced by statues of Barack Obama. Yeah, how about that for progress, bitches? Besides, white supremacists are wearing dreadlocks these days.