Chuck Norris Predicts ’1,000 years of darkness’ if Obama Wins

So, did you catch Bill Clinton’s speech at the DNC last night? Yeah, I know, he totally destroyed not only Mitt Romney’s campaign; he also basically shitted on the GOP as we know them to be today as well. No need for me to rehash anything he said. Why? Because most of what he said (if not all of it) has been the same shit I’ve been writing about daily on this site. Yep, just like Clinton, I bring you the wonk shit with in such a simplistic manner for your consumption. And why do I do it? Because the GOP as we know it are a bunch of liars; and, they’ve kicked the lies into overdrive because our president has a melanin affliction. Not that they’ve never lied previously; but hey, lemme get back to the pint of this post.

So yeah, it would appear that world-renowned bad-ass, Chuck Norris, is afraid of the dark. Amazing, right? I mean, who knew? Chuck Norris has been kicking ass since I was a kid in the 70s (shit, I even used to have his poster on my bedroom wall). But now that he’s old and decrepit hung up his Texas Ranger badge, he’s taking an interest in politics (I guess he’s bored hocking that Total Fitness Gym crap). But hey, with D-List celebrities like Hank Williams Jr., Ted Nugent, and Clint Eastwood being in the tank for Romney, ol’ Mr. Hairy Chest may feel a little left out.

This from the Huffington Post:

Chuck Norris has offered a dire warning to America, claiming that U.S. citizens face “1,000 years of darkness” is [sic] President Obama is reelected for a second term in November.

In a two-minute video posted on his official YouTube channel, which also includes work-out tutorials and promotional appearances for “The Expendables 2,” Norris and his wife Gena warn of the “growing concern” that the America we know can be lost forever if Obama is reelected.

“If we look to history, our great country and freedom are under attack,” Norris says. “We’re at a tipping point and, quite possibly, our country as we know it may be lost forever if we don’t change the course in which our country is headed.”

Watch the video below:

Now I’m not mad at Chuck and his wife for loving Jesus — hey, some of my best friends love him too. However, I think it’s funny that he would go the fire and brimstone route to gain support for Mitt Romney (wait, didn’t Chuck endorse Newt Gingrich?). Fuck, he might as well have said that if Obama wins, every Christian who doesn’t vote in November — who obviously should be voting for Romney — will be turned to a pillar of salt. But no, salt is white, so he had to go there with the talk of “darkness.” Oh, you didn’t get the racial angle to this? Um, hello? Darkness? You know, black people? Yeah, if Obama wins, black people will rule America. Oh, and not just rule America; we’ll rule for one thousand years. No word on whether Obama will live that long, but, ya’ know… Chuck did endorse Newt for POTUS, so maybe he isn’t down with Food Stamps as well. SIDENOTE: In 2008, Chuck said that if Romney won the nomination he’d “buy the White House.” He wasn’t a fan then, but it”s funny how things change.

Sounds crazy? Yes. But please believe, somebody is believing this crap. Now as a parent of a 2-year-old and a 4-year-old this type of fear-mongering scares me. Why? Well, remember when “certain people” started purchasing guns across America in record numbers? Yeah, word on the street was that Pres. Obama was going to take away everybody’s gun and the right to bear arms which obviously gives black people the advantage when the race war starts because all the guns they own are illegal anyway. Well, as a parent of two very young children — one of whom who is afraid to sleep in the dark like Chuck Norris — the last thing IO need is for “certain people” to start purchasing every single night-light they can get their hands on out of fear. Should that happen, it may be 1,000 years before my wife and I are able have sex, again because of the kid sleeping in our bed between us. Shit, we’ve got it bad enough; Lord knows we don’t need a shortage of night-lights.