Interracial Dating: Looking For Love In All the White Places

Whenever the subject of interracial relationships pop up, it seems the number one pairing is usually black-and-white. When it comes to gender, it’s mostly black men and white women. And honestly, what bothers me is not so much seeing blacks and whites interracially dating each other. It’s the reasons why some black folks have preferences for white people which – in some instances – involve condemning other black folks.

In my opinion it’s truly sickening when you hear members of your own people throw your race under the bus while, in just so many words, tell you how great white people are when it comes to relationships. We all know it’s nothing short of the internalized racism talking, but it still hurts nonetheless that some blacks show their adoration for whites given the less-than- civil and mutual history between the two racial groups due to that little thing I like to call white supremacy.

In a little town where I dwell I see a few black male/white female couples. I only saw one black female/white male couple to date. This little down is located in the Deep South, a hotbed of this nation’s overt and chaotic racism for the past few centuries, give or take a few decades. While things have improved between black and white Southerners, the scars of history’s past is still present and their is tension that is thick enough to cut through. Despite there being mixed couples, the disdain is there bubbling under the surface.

However, some of that disdain is not limited to white people. It is also boiling in the hearts of some blacks who are fed up with the men and women of the same color.

Internalized racism is that little parasite inside the souls of most blacks in this country. It is a servant for white supremacy and black inferiority. When it comes to seeking love, it grows strong when it comes to rejections and abuse from the opposite or same sex if it happens enough times for one to conclude that black men or black women, depending on one’s preference, is largely a rotten choice when seeking a long-term commitment. It feeds off of frustration and pain and becomes fully grown when they accept the white supremacist doctrine of dating, black is whack and white is right.

px297012I’ve heard this kind of garbage from a few brothas who were bitter and had access to the microphone and a video camera. They use any chance to bash black women using the same stereotypes whites have used against them while praising white women in the same breath, a sure, troubling sign of internalized racism.

These black men will moan about how black women are too overweight, too angry, too ghetto or too greedy for money and materials not knowing they are playing into the stereotypes of the Mammy, Sapphire, Welfare queen and Golddigger respectively. However, what is also damaging is how they believe white women are sweet, obedient, humble, more beautiful and supportive and that black women should be like them!

It is similar when it comes to some black women. They are fed up with black men for being too weak and lazy (the Sambo), hypersexual, (the Mandingo) violent (the Buck) or into lusting for white vaginas (the Mandingo Tom). So, they will seek the affections of white men out of believing that they are more successful, loving , gentle, protective and nonjudgmental.

However you slice it, it all comes down to the notion that dating blacks is wrong if you’re black yourself, but white people are best – if not the best – choice to hook up with. In a sense they may not see whites as their masters, but as their saviors of love and affection.

There are white people, female and male, that eat it up. Their egos are boosted by this energy of feeling wanted and needed. Their sense of superiority inflates, yet again. And some of them will not hold back in letting members of the black opposite sex know how better they are. In other words their bitchiness and asshole-ness comes out and they flaunt their whiteness in front of the faces of the black community rubbing dirt in their eyes.

interracial-dating-black-womanDating outside one’s race to spite your own is one sign of internalized racism. There is no doubt that there are certain black people from Hollywood to around your way that has that white racial mindframe when they seek love and(or) sex. While some may think this is no big deal, it really is.

We do not live in a society that sees who people are past their looks. We live in a society that celebrates and encourages images. Let’s not deny it or excuse it. Our physical outer shells determine your worth as a human being in a world hung up on skin color. It is part of the matrix of whiteness people of color live with, and it is hard to avert your mind from it when it is constantly around you.

Some may argue that there are people who truly love their significant others, and the fact that they are of another color doesn’t matter to them. That may be true – for some. Yet, it doesn’t cancel out that there are some black people who date white people because they are…white. Sure, let’s talk about interracial love, but let’s not ignore the elephant in the room. What kind of love is sought when an individual is suffering from some possible form of self-hatred?