God, Natural Disasters, & Idiotic Politicians

Listen God, they say that you’re everywhere. As for me, well, you know I have my doubts. But that’s neither here nor there right now. So assuming you’re on this site right this very minute. I have something to say to you that’s pretty important. Now, not trying to throw shade on your omnipotence, or even tell you what to do or anything. But listen, I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t give you some advice, or maybe ask you for something; shoot, I know you ain’t tired of that.

First off: next time you decide to warn America (and president Obama) about the runaway spending, use a burning bush like back in the day. Yeah, be sure it’s one of those that actually talks to people too; uh huh, a James Earl Jones or Samuel L. Jackson voice would be cool. Doesn’t really have to be a burning bush, but whatever you do, don’t send anymore earthquakes, hurricanes, and definitely not Michele Bachmann. Sorry, but that crazy chick running for president kinda makes you look bad. Matter of fact, a lot of your messengers make you look bad, but…

“I don’t know how much God has to do to get the attention of the politicians. We’ve had an earthquake; we’ve had a hurricane. He said: ‘Are you going to start listening to me here? Listen to the American people … They know the government is on a morbid obesity diet and we’ve got to rein in spending” (source)

Now all told there have been 38 deaths attributed to Hurricane Irene. And though I’m not so sure, I’d like to think that if you really wanted to warn us, you’d pull off something bigger. You know, like like allowing a few thousand people to die after planes by a few people who don’t pray to you flew planes into it? Yes, that was major, and it got the attention of Americans. But like I said, you being the peaceful loving guy (or maybe girl?) that you are, I’d think the burning bush trick could work. As a matter of fact, if Michele Bachmann was wrong about your work being a warning. May I suggest that you turn her into a pillar of salt next time she gets up to speak at one of her campaign stops?

Yeah, and speaking of destruction and mayhem. Can you do something about Ron Paul? I heard him the other day saying something about government being the problem, or that government is too big, or something or the other. He was obviously on his well documented drunk uncle rants about FEMA being an unnecessary government agency. You know FEMA is the agency responsible for responding to natural disasters like the stunt Bachmann has attributed to you? Yeah, apparently said agency is an example of too much government, and or too much dependence upon government to fix problems.

WASHINGTON — With reports that Hurricane Irenekilled at least 10 people, knocked out power to more than 2 million homes and businesses and left many towns flooded over the weekend, presidential candidate Rep. Ron Paul (R-Texas) stood by hiscontroversial belief that the federal government should reduce its role in disaster relief.

On Friday, Paul told NBC News that there was nothing “magic” about the Federal Emergency Disaster Agency (FEMA), which has been coordinating the response to Hurricane Irene.

We should be like 1900, we should be like 1940, 1950, 1960,” said the Texas congressman during a stop in New Hampshire.

In an interview with “Fox News Sunday,” Paul — who appeared on the show immediately after an interview with FEMA Director Craig Fugate — stood by his remarks but acknowledged that it would take time to get rid of the agency. (source)

Next Ron Paul will say that there are too many letters in the word government.

Now when it comes to government agencies, I’m sure you know God, that yes, there is a lot of waste. And yes I’m sure that would agree that wasteful government spending cuts into your weekly 10% Jesus tax federal tithing. Surely since this is indeed your Christian Nation, God. You would agree that yes, that something needs to be done about spending. You know like less on wars, and more on the poor and downtrodden American people?

But God, you gotta admit that eliminating FEMA has to be as stupid an idea, as those people not getting onto the Ark after Noah finished building it. I mean I know you’re a pretty busy guy (or girl) and all; and yes, we do have to do for ourselves but do so with faith that you got our back. But, could you imagine how much worse things would have been after Hurricane Katrina without FEMA?

OK, that’s a stupid question considering you have all the answers, but you get what I’m saying. If you ask me (which I’m sure you never will) what you need to do is to get rid of some of the idiots within government holding up progress. Not sure if you’re a left-leaning sorta guy, but you can give Americans the biggest blessing of ridding us of these two short of creating jobs.  Oh, and by jobs, I don’t mean new churches. Lord kno… I mean you know the last thing we need are more Eddie Longs among us. We need jobs, and we need them faster than we need more idiotic politicians