Okay, that I had no idea is no shocker. Aside from the fact that I’m always the last to know anything, at the end of the day, it’s Madonna. Yes, the same Madonna who was pissed off the Catholic Church for tongue-wrestling Black Jesus in a music video. Hell, for all I know, she probably fucked Flavor Flav. But still, I’d like to think that as a hip-hop head, I would’ve known about this. However, thankfully, Tupac’s breakup letter to Madonna is up for auction and is in the public domain. You can read the letter via TMZ, here.

So Why Did Tupac Dump Madonna?

According to the letter, Tupac broke off his relationship with Madonna because she was white. In the letter, Tupac writes, “For you to be seen with a black man wouldn’t in any way jeopardize your career, if anything it would make you seem that much more open and exciting.” He continues, “But for me at least in my previous perception I felt due to my ‘image’ I would be letting down half of the people who made me what I thought I was.”

Tupac then goes on to further explain that he never meant to hurt her:

As you can see I have grown both spiritually and mentally. It no longer matters how I’m perceived. Please understand my previous position as that of a young man with limited experience with a extremely famous sex symbol.

I offer my friendship once again time this time much stronger and focused. If you are still interested I would like to further discuss this with you but some of it couldn’t wait.

I felt compelled to tell you … just in case anything happened to 2 me.

That he wrote this letter tells me two things:

1. At the time, Tupac was in a place where he cared about his image
2. He respected Madonna enough to break it off with her by giving and honest explanation.

In a round-a-bout way, it was a, “It’s not you, it’s all me,” Dear John letters.

But in this instance, Tupac was sincere.

As a man, I really believe he was sincere. Not that I’ve ever been in prison, but I can’t imagine any man in prison writing a woman to say, “I’m sorry, but I can’t fuck with you.”

Especially if said woman isn’t the reason that they guy is in prison.

Sincerity Aside, I have A Problem With Tupac

What does it say about Tupac that while in prison for sexually assaulting a black woman, he wrote this letter to Madonna? Of course, you might say that one has nothing to do with the other. If this is your feeling, you’re right. But yet and still, I can’t help but wonder whether Tupac took the time to write an apology letter to the victim of his crime. He apologized at his sentencing but maintained his innocence.

After all, he couldn’t continue to have a sexual relationship with Madonna, because she’s white. In my head, as much as image meant to him, I’d like to think that he did write a formal letter of apology to the black woman who was the victim of his crime. That letter would be worth more than the $100,000 opening bidding price for his letter to Madonna.

In fact, it would be priceless.

I’m just sayin’, you can’t be raping black women after writing hip-hop hits like “Dear Mama” and “Brenda Got A Baby”.Well, I guess he could, given that he did write “I Get Around” and “How Do You Want It”. While we’ll never know whether he did apologize to that black woman, I seriously doubt whether many people would care to know if h did.

Tupac Will Always Be A God-like Figure

Apparently, it’s cool to fuck the wife of another rapper and write a song about it, even if it isn’t true. And, when not shooting it out with police officers, or dodging bullets from other so-called thugs, it’s perfectly fine to rape a black woman. What’s not cool is the world knowing you’re sleeping with a white woman. Because, of course, nothing is more disappointing than a successful black man sleeping with a white woman. If you don’t believe me, just ask Jesse Williams how that’s working out for him.

Because, why would any of Tupac’s black fans find any of those other things abhorrent? Nope, we don’t. However, if it were to ever get out that he was tongue-kissing the Jewish queen of Kabala with an affinity for LGBTQ culture? Yeah, son, we couldn’t fuck with that.

This is a huge problem for me.

I’m sorry, but my commitment to blackness isn’t just isn’t set up that way. 

Tupac Was Who Tupac Was

Unfortunately, this speaks to the complexity and walking contradiction that was Tupac Shakur. It also explains why as a 20-something me, I was never one of Tupac’s many cult-like followers. Don’t get me wrong, though. Even as a veteran of the East Coast vs. West Coast beef of 1995, as a foot soldier in the Bad Boy army, I still dug some of his songs.

Even so, I’ve always seen Tupac for what he was. That would be, an extremely talented artist wrapped up in confusion. He was still while trying to find himself in the world.

He was a young man.

His moral compass may have been a bit off, but he was still growing.

In short, Tupac was just another black man caught up in the mix. trying to make a dollar out of fifteen cents. Unfortunately, for many of us black men and black people more broadly, we traverse this seemingly unjust world while wearing the mask of realness.

The post Tupac Dumped Madonna Because She Was White? appeared first on Madness & Reality.

In my opinion it’s truly sickening when you hear members of your own people throw your race under the bus while, in just so many words, tell you how great white people are when it comes to relationships. We all know it’s nothing short of the internalized racism talking, but it still hurts nonetheless that some blacks show their adoration for whites given the less-than- civil and mutual history between the two racial groups due to that little thing I like to call white supremacy.

In a little town where I dwell I see a few black male/white female couples. I only saw one black female/white male couple to date. This little down is located in the Deep South, a hotbed of this nation’s overt and chaotic racism for the past few centuries, give or take a few decades. While things have improved between black and white Southerners, the scars of history’s past is still present and their is tension that is thick enough to cut through. Despite there being mixed couples, the disdain is there bubbling under the surface.

However, some of that disdain is not limited to white people. It is also boiling in the hearts of some blacks who are fed up with the men and women of the same color.

Internalized racism is that little parasite inside the souls of most blacks in this country. It is a servant for white supremacy and black inferiority. When it comes to seeking love, it grows strong when it comes to rejections and abuse from the opposite or same sex if it happens enough times for one to conclude that black men or black women, depending on one’s preference, is largely a rotten choice when seeking a long-term commitment. It feeds off of frustration and pain and becomes fully grown when they accept the white supremacist doctrine of dating, black is whack and white is right.

I’ve heard this kind of garbage from a few brothas who were bitter and had access to the microphone and a video camera. They use any chance to bash black women using the same stereotypes whites have used against them while praising white women in the same breath, a sure, troubling sign of internalized racism.

These black men will moan about how black women are too overweight, too angry, too ghetto or too greedy for money and materials not knowing they are playing into the stereotypes of the Mammy, Sapphire, Welfare queen and Golddigger respectively. However, what is also damaging is how they believe white women are sweet, obedient, humble, more beautiful and supportive and that black women should be like them!

It is similar when it comes to some black women. They are fed up with black men for being too weak and lazy (the Sambo), hypersexual, (the Mandingo) violent (the Buck) or into lusting for white vaginas (the Mandingo Tom). So, they will seek the affections of white men out of believing that they are more successful, loving , gentle, protective and nonjudgmental.

However you slice it, it all comes down to the notion that dating blacks is wrong if you’re black yourself, but white people are best – if not the best – choice to hook up with. In a sense they may not see whites as their masters, but as their saviors of love and affection.

There are white people, female and male, that eat it up. Their egos are boosted by this energy of feeling wanted and needed. Their sense of superiority inflates, yet again. And some of them will not hold back in letting members of the black opposite sex know how better they are. In other words their bitchiness and asshole-ness comes out and they flaunt their whiteness in front of the faces of the black community rubbing dirt in their eyes.

Dating outside one’s race to spite your own is one sign of internalized racism. There is no doubt that there are certain black people from Hollywood to around your way that has that white racial mindframe when they seek love and(or) sex. While some may think this is no big deal, it really is.

We do not live in a society that sees who people are past their looks. We live in a society that celebrates and encourages images. Let’s not deny it or excuse it. Our physical outer shells determine your worth as a human being in a world hung up on skin color. It is part of the matrix of whiteness people of color live with, and it is hard to avert your mind from it when it is constantly around you.

Some may argue that there are people who truly love their significant others, and the fact that they are of another color doesn’t matter to them. That may be true – for some. Yet, it doesn’t cancel out that there are some black people who date white people because they are…white. Sure, let’s talk about interracial love, but let’s not ignore the elephant in the room. What kind of love is sought when an individual is suffering from some possible form of self-hatred?

The post Interracial Dating: Looking For Love In All the White Places appeared first on Madness & Reality.

The concept of agreeing to disagree, respectfully, seems to get lost in translation whenever the issue of interracial dating and intra-racial relationship preferences come up. It’s an issue that cause folks to get hot under the collar – or nether regions depending on the tone of the conversation- but one thing is for certain; Black men and women have a lot to say and more often than not, when exchanging their feelings with one another, it almost always disintegrates into a barrage of hateful name-calling, revelatory statements that suggest an underlying feeling of self-loathing, and in some instances blatant repudiation of the entire Black community, as one Haitian-identified female commenter seemed on the cusp of doing in the comments area of a controversially written article– but not before suggesting that all the “best” and  “highest-quality” Black women are in interracial relationships, which leaves behind the lowly “welfare queens” for Black men to pick over like carrion, which is why they’re supposedly bitter “thug kings”… as she so eloquently put it.

Learning the art of building over such matter- living and letting live– would be the ideal way to engage one another about dating preferences, but that seems too fundamental for some folks to grasp; as being as histrionic, nasty, and complicated seems the way to go when fumbling to relate and understand one another.  Some Black women and women who are particularly emphatic when writing (speaking, or rapping) about their dating choices don’t seem to be genuine in their intentions, as the tone of their argument tends to be quite pointed and politically charged, as if they’re using their relationships to create platitudes about one another and the community as a whole. To be completely frank and based on what I’ve  read,  lately much of the vitriol has come from a collective of Black women who are seemingly harboring hurt and resentment from prior dealings with Black men (and some Black women) despite proclamations of feeling empowered and free.  And they appear no different than Black men who invoke the same type of rhetoric.

I actually just learned about the term “DBR” and have read venomous words hurled by Black women at other Black women: Stupid, weak, fat, welfare-queens, and DBR enablers, or as another Black female forum commenter termed “Black male-identified, Black men in disguise”.   Reading the comments of that one particular article that prompted this post– and there were hundreds – made me feel a bit sullen and caused me to wonder; when exactly did it come this dysfunctional between Black men and women, that we can’t build about relationships, and respect one another’s choices without the hate? I know the overall relationship between many Black men and women has been tenuous and the cracks gradual, but when did the divide between us become so expansive?

There were no clear winners between the dervishes of insults I read, but one thing was for certain… The whole conversation was a complete mind-fuck… a nasty, sweaty, stinky, undulating orgy of foolery which unfolded in a dank, dark room where everyone got screwed, but no one reached the throes of ecstasy or climaxed to completion.

I’ll never understand why the topic of interracial dating has us (the Black community) at such odds with one another when we could be building about so many other things; or why some folks profess to be so happy with the freedom to love on who they desire, yet are so pressed by who someone else is sleeping with or what other folks are saying.

Why can’t people just genuinely date how and who they want to date, without an agenda behind it? Moreover, why can’t people who made the dating choices they believe works for them and their lives, leave other folks to their own dating devices and not try to proselytize or project their preferences onto others? Belittling other Black women and calling them “welfare-queens” because they’ve opted not to try “something new” and suggesting that they lack femininity because they want to date on their own terms as well, is not productive.

People who are genuinely empowered, free, and secure with their personal choices (dating or otherwise), don’t need to indulge in asinine mud-slinging. No other community of people (to my knowledge) have knock-down, drag out cyber fights about how much better they think they are, because they’re dating outside of their communities or because they have a white/racially ambiguous boyfriend or girlfriend.

True freedom is extending yourself and connecting in genuine ways, being able to simply date (like an adult) and function within your relationship without needing validation. To be truly empowered and emboldened is to think and engage critically and independently, without the need to destroy or wreck shop. Of course this involves parting ways still having mutual respect for one another, even if you don’t entirely share the same sentiments about certain things. Folks have got the game all twisted.

Also read:

Think Like a Foolio, Date Like a Dummy…

The post Relationship Follies: When Interracial & Intra-racial Preferences Collide appeared first on Madness & Reality.

That promise notwithstanding, no agenda geared toward Black women is equally as annoying as the Black Women Are Better off  With and Simply MUST Date White Men or Will melt Into a Sticky Puddle of Nothingness and Despair propaganda, pushed by certain ones of my sistren is. Of late, articles are cropping up using another angle to access and publicly analyze our dating lives and there have been videos featuring groups of giddy Black women promoting bulleted lists of reasons why dating White men is somehow essential to our survival and livelihood. And it has to absolutely be White men… and none other, or else we’re doomed!

Author Niki McElroy has been making the social media rounds, promoting her book A Black Girl’s Guide to Dating White Men and espousing the attributes that will allegedly get Black women picked by a trophy husband (let’s cut the double-standard and call it what it so obviously is). In a video clip from a show called Everyway Woman, McElroy suggests that her current dating choices are relegated to White men and she wrote the book to placate her curious girlfriends’ queries. While I have no issue with interracial dating, believe in dating with an open mind, and have done so several times for no particular reason or sans any ulterior motives other than shared interests/mutual attraction/because I just wanted to make-out with a willing partner,  I do have a problem with people who date other, purely for opportunistic and superficial reasons or to prove some myopic argument.

When one of the women in the video thirstily eagerly lauded the book’s helpful hints on behaviors such as, how to order wine because it makes Black women “look so much more classier” [sic] to upper-middle class White men, to which the author agreed and opined that such learned behaviors present Black women in a more “knowledgeable” light when it comes to the finer things in life, since most of us were apparently ignorant about Moscato, prior to rappers coming on the scene guzzling the Italian dessert wine in music videos (insert major side-eye here); I couldn’t help but wince and shake my head with embarrassment… I honestly thought it was a parody video- (and “No comment” regarding another woman on the panel, who gleefully delighted in the guide being “easy to read” and not having “a lot of big words”).

While I understand McElroy’s intentions are probably paved with good intentions (like the ubiquitous road to Hell), I can attest to the fact that there’s no rhyme or reason to dating interracially (a few hurdles aside, it’s no more mysterious than dating among your own race). If you’re dating someone based on mutual and genuine attraction, there’s no need to adopt affected dating behaviors, beyond the norm (unless you’re in an inter-cultural relationship, which presents a different set of circumstances, regardless of race).  I’ve been on dates with White men considered to be at the top of the economic chain (as it were), and can assure McElroy and women like those featured in the video clip that much of the time; I was the one making wine suggestions (even imploring one date not to ask for ice cubes with his Cabernet. And no it didn’t end well).  I’ve also been on dates with insightful and charming Black and Latino men who may not have had six-figure incomes, but were equally as epicurean as I am and fun to be around. So the wine advice was asinine.

As illustrated in the video, McElroy and other bamboozled Black women like her who promote interracial dating the WRONG WAY for all the WRONG REASONS (just like some of our brethren), tend to deify and fetishize White men while encouraging wayward (but curious) Black women who’ve never dated outside the box, to act disingenuously in order to be rescued by this elusive idea of a White Knight. This type of interracial dating advice also insults our intelligence and in essence, suggests that Black women need to dumb themselves down, because our Black selves (intellect and good conversationalist be damned) simply isn’t acceptable enough. Not to mention it fails to recognize that interracial dating can be enjoyable in many other combinations besides Black Women/White men couplings.

Black women, if you are interested in learning about different wines, do so out of your own curiosity. Hit up your local wine and spirit shop’s free wine tastings (most tend to be on a Thursday, Friday, and/or Saturday) and chop it up with the employees there… just because; not because you’re trying to buy into some tired, interracial dating cliche or because you think it’ll make you appear less intellectually inferior to a White, male dating prospect. More importantly, if you’re a Black woman who’s interested in dating beyond the scope of Black Love, eschew interracial dating generalizations at all costs and date with genuine intentions. This would require that you not go seeking men out simply because they’re White, you’re looking to sate a racial/ethnic fetish, and you want to be saved and civilized (I’m still agitated by that wine thing) lest you come across looking like a needy ignoramus and a parched duck, with no ideas of your own to bring to the table; And as far as Niki McElroy’s book goes, skip it and don’t believe the hype as she has an obvious agenda to push, has admitted in her clumsily written book that she dates based on stereotypes- (she went through a fiery, temperamental Latin Lover phase apparently, had “yellow fever” and eventually dated South East Asian men, because she saw the movie Monsoon Wedding and wanted to have one of her very own)- and also writes (perhaps to be tongue-in-cheek, but still annoying nonetheless) at the beginning of the first chapter…

“Whether you laugh in glee, groan in despair or take offense, at the end of the day this is my story…  And hell, now I can say I’m a published author an [sic] that’s a resume builder to get me more quality white dates!”

Plus it just sounds like more sinister, mythological dating drivel. Dating as a Black woman with an open-mind does not include pandering to trite racial stereotypes.

Now, watch this and pay attention:

The post Think Like a Foolio, Date Like a Dummy: The Myth of the Great White Hope appeared first on Madness & Reality.

I mean let’s face it: you either have to be a saint born of a virgin like Barack Obama, or have a lot of money to keep people quiet about your sins should you hope to have a successful political career. Having said that, it would appear that Sarah Palin’s closet may have at least one skeleton that may not make her lunatic racist fans happy. According to an upcoming Joe McGinniss autobiographical Sarah Palin book set to be released next week. Sarah Palin had a one-night-stand with then University of Michigan basketball star and future NBA player, Glen Rice.

Oh yeah, Glen Rice is Black.

Now the following comes from the National Enquirer, and I already know what you’re thinking. Yes, this is the same rag that publishes Elvis and Michael Jackson sightings at Swap Meets in Compton – yes, not very credible. However, Rice has already confirmed that he did wax that ass after playing in a tournament in Alaska, while Palin worked as a sports reporter back in 1987.

In the book, which will be published on September 20th, McGinniss claims Sarah had a steamy interracial hookup with basketball stud Glen Rice less than a year before she eloped with her husband Todd.

Sarah hooked up with the NBA great, then a 6-foot-8 junior at the University of Michigan when he was playing in a college basketball tournament in Alaska in 1987, the book says. At the time, Sarah, just out of college, was working as a sports reporter for the Anchorage TV station KTUU.

A publishing source told The ENQUIRER that McGinniss claims Sarah had a “fetish” for black men at the time and he quotes a friend as saying Sarah had “hauled (Rice’s) ass down.”

[…] In the book, McGinniss quotes Rice as confirming the one-night stand.

Well look-a-here, look-a-here! Palin had a “fetish” for the Mandingo? She was into Black guys?? I know it’s hard to believe; but, personally I’m of the opinion that all white women can, and do come to a point of Mandingo curiosity. And of course her being a sports reporter at the time. I can’t help but to think hat there was some extreme role-playing of the plantation kind going down in Alaska in 1987 for Sister Sarah. Back then there wasn’t but 3 Negroes in the entire state of Alaska. So you can’t tell me that she wasn’t eager to put her hairy “mama grizzly” all in the face of an unsuspecting, and very willing participant, Glen Rice. C’mon, you know how those male Black athletes love white women? Yeah, say they dont; but we know better than that, right?

But you know what? This explains a lot. Truth be told, at least for me, I have a better understanding of Sarah Palin now. Yes we all think she’s racist since she didn’t hire any Black folks when she served as governor. Add to it the fact that she hates president Obama and the Kenyan blood that flows through his veins. But listen, now I understand why. You might not agree, but Palin is the way she is because of Glen Rice. Sounds crazy I know, but that’s what I think.

I think Glen turned her ass out, and kicked her to the curb; and thus,began her hatred and resentment for all things of color. Yes, especially men of color who have taken advantage of entitlements only to rise to the position of being the most powerful person in the world. Yes, sounds crazy I know. But why then did she elope with Todd less than one year after being dicked down by Glen Rice? Wanna know why? Todd is part Eskimo or some shit like that; in Alaska he’s a minority. I’m just thinking her thought process had to be: any minority is just as good as another.

This from Gawker:

Sarah hooked up with Rice, a 6-foot-8 junior at the University of Michigan, while he was in town for the 1987 Thanksgiving weekend “Great Alaska Shootout” basketball tournament, according to the book.

McGinniss quotes a friend as saying Sarah had “hauled his [Rice’s] ass down.” While the pal coyly states: “I can’t say I know they had sex,” the friend is also quoted as saying: “I remember Sarah feeling pretty good that she’d been with a black basketball star,” according to the source.

Their encounter reportedly occurred in the dorm room of Sarah’s younger sister Molly at the University of Alaska Anchorage, according to the book.

Rice confirms the hookup in McGinniss’ book, according to the source, “but he’s quoted as saying he didn’t think Sarah harbored any bad feelings over being with him because he was black. And he remembers only nice things about Sarah, recalling her as ‘gorgeous’ and saying she was a big crush of his at the time.”

According to the book, Rice and Sarah continued to chat on the phone right up until she married Todd just nine months later.

Although I’ve done some things of which I’m not proud in my past. I can honestly, and with much confidence say, that none of them involves me doing the horizontal mambo with some right-wing nutjob – none that I know of, at least. However, should something like that ever come out about me? Just know that there was a lot of alcohol involved, which induced my temporary moment of insanity.

The post New Book Claims Sarah Palin Had A "Fetish" For Black Guys, & Slept With Former NBA Star, Glen Rice appeared first on Madness & Reality.

It hasn’t been long since I wrote a piece on the interracial sexual politics of gay male communities. Still, some of the responses I received let me know this is an ongoing conversation that needs to take place.

In talking with some folks, it seems some have internalized the pain (and racism) they’ve experienced in interracial exchanges. Whenever I try to talk about interraciality, it strikes me as odd that the conversation always seems to steer towards white/Black relationships. By that I mean, when the topic of interracial relationships comes up, people easily pull a white/Black model out of their mental rolodex.

Why is it when we say interracial dating, people take that to mean a white/Black relationship? Is a Latino/Asian or a white/Latino relationship not interracial? Yes, of course. Or perhaps the relationship in question has a member who is Brazilian and Polish and the other is Irish? So what is it? Is it me? Is it because the folks I talk to see my white skin and try to make it relative to me since I ask the question? Is it because they assume the white supremacy of racism only affects white people? As I continue trying to uncover the pain that surrounds interracial exchanges, I can’t help but wonder what it is about the white/Black dichotomy of gay male circles that keep us stuck. My thoughts forced me to tap into my own pain.

Some of my exchanges with Black men have shown me precisely how broken this white/Black interracial space can be. From some of the things being said in supposedly intimate spaces to the dehumanizing ways we interact with one another, our internalized pain needs to be dealt with. Given my own particular background and experiences, I feel it’s important to go back to my experiences in dating Black men.

I’ve listened as white, Latino and Asian men have given their commentary whenever they suspect I’ve begun dating a Black man. Some acquaintances have felt comfortable enough to begin introducing me to their friends–“This is John. He dates Black men”–highlighting how the latter somehow informs the former. These same Latino and Asian men celebrate the white men they’ve dated while glorifying their own internalized racial oppression. At one point I asked a former friend who identified as Latino, “You do realize you date interracially, right?” His response was a declarative no and seemed to suggest he saw himself as white.

For me, this is very telling of the climate in which interracial politics breed within gay male communities. Despite the fact that Latino and Asian men may experience racism as well, the very anti-Black sentiments that run rampant throughout all of American society heavily manifest within gay circles. This is not to minimize the racism other groups experience but instead to highlight the fact that when I dated men who were non-Black, or when other white friends dated men who were neither white nor Black, I was never introduced to people with, “Hi this is _______. He dates (enter racial category) people.” So this is something very telling about how society views Blackness.

As we consider some of the questions I opened with, particularly–“Why do we only consider interracial relationships Black and white?”–I think it is extremely important to not define interracial relationships through such rigid terms but to acknowledge this is a distinguishable site that should be intimately explored as well.

I’ll never forget my experiences watching white men lust after Black men in such a way that you can just feel their fetishized motives by the look in their eye as they size up the man in front of them. I’ve watched as Black men tell me, “I’m only attracted to white men” or “the white boys love me.” The most interesting part about some of these conversations is that the men looked at me as if I should be complimented that they are only attracted to white men, as if the limitations imposed by some of their internalized racism should excite me. I guess Frantz Fanon was right when he argued that the oppressed will eventually internalize the methods of their oppressor.

But I’ve also seen other sides of that too. In dating some Black men, I’ve been given dirty looks, verbal assaults and a host of other ignorantly informed commentary on the status of my relationships by outsiders. It strikes me whenever someone wants to assert themselves into my relationship, telling me how it was formed as if some total stranger can tell me I’m only dating a man because I want what’s in his pants. Question: have you seen what’s in his pants? No? Oh, okay then. I guess it goes back to the way I look at some men, assuming I know what their motives are.

My intentions here are not to drive people away from potentially dating outside their race. They are also not to shame people for particular behaviors. Instead, I hope by airing out some of our dirty laundry people will begin to think about their actions and the consequences they may have. One of my hopes is that people will stop inserting themselves into others relationships, especially when it does not concern them. In the same way everyone will not dating interracially, the same holds true for intra-racial relationships. Furthermore, these identities are not static. I may date a Black man, then date a white man, then date a Latino man, etc. Does that mean I only date interracially? Of course not.

Finally, I’ve had to work through the pain I’ve internalized from my own oppressors–the gay men who tried to shame me for finding Black men beautiful. I remember arguing with people that I don’t only date Black men, I don’t only date interracially, etc. While I still hold true to the fact I don’t only date Black men, no longer will I feel shame or apologize for it. I will not be placed into a box by men who seem to think it is my “preference.” I will continue to date and love whomever I see fit.

The more ironic thing I’ve learned in dating Black men is that people will always joke: “Once you go Black, you never go back.” Oddly enough, these jokes are usually wrapped up in the sexual potency of Black identity. By that I mean, it seems to suggest that you will end up feeling so satisfied, sexual or otherwise, that you won’t want to leave. Obviously, this is not always the case. Even still, the most interesting thing about the “once you go Black” phenomena is that even if you try to “go back”, society and the people around you won’t let you.

Johnathan Fields is a DePaul University alum with a B.A. in African & Black Diaspora Studies and Philosophy. His areas of interest include: media representations of race, gender, and sexuality in popular culture, Black feminist theory, Diasporic literature and critical race theory. He is also the latest addition to this site’s family of contributors. For more information, visit www.adventuresofaboxcutter.com

The post Back To Black: Revisiting the Interracial Sexual Politics of Gay Men appeared first on Madness & Reality.

Let’s clear up a few things: I have never given any man the opportunity to “run my credit up” and I have met plenty of non-Black men with a, shall we say, “plentiful member” as well as some Black men who don’t quite size up to the myths that chase their identities. All this to say, it is quite interesting to watch how gay interracial sexual politics have been constructed within our communities and how we allow heterosexual taboo to steer our desires and understandings of self/others.

This is not only the reality I have seen surface in certain queer spaces but also the socially imposed stereotype that has followed the taboo that is interracial dating. While I’d like to speak generally and say men who date outside their race, I’ve noticed the myth of the “BBC” seems to predominantly affect Black men (and perhaps some Latino and other “ethnic” men).

Black men are seemingly only given visibility or acknowledgment in gay culture when they are evermore hypersexualized. By that I mean, society has already assigned an overtly sexual identity to both Black men and gay men. Black gay men have the potential to carry the brunt doubly. It also appears that when a gay boy (sorry, boi?) is going through a dry spell or has some preconceived notion of what lies in the Black man’s pants, he is more than willing to use him to explore his little experiment in whether or not he “likes chocolate.” Some Black men glory in the revelation that everyone seems to think their dick is huge. In a culture where sexual voyeurism is normalized, the nuances of socio-sexual taboos must be examined. Why are these normalized sexual roles being placed upon Black gay male bodies and how have some men become complacent in these roles?

The “mandingo” is a racial stereotype that has followed Black men throughout the century. He is sexually subservient and plagued by negative sexual imagery. Keep in mind his servitude is not determined solely through submission. He can be sexually subservient through acting aggressively to penetrate and enact a “rape scene” that appeals to his partners racialized desires. Or he can be sexually submissive and be dominated by the penetrator. Either way, his sexual subservience is anticipated.

The “mandingo” does not only live in the minds of the external. Some Black gay men have internalized this mindset so much so that their sexuality is consumed by the myths that precede them–myths about their member, their (hyper)sexuality, their sexual preferences (and why has the “n-word” found its way into interracial sexual exchanges?). It becomes detrimental when a person’s entire being is consumed by their sexuality and nothing more, suggesting a person is merely a body. It is reductive and ignores the complexities of what makes the individual whole. When a person only finds value in their existence through sexual realms, it ignores and denies all of the other valuable attributes of their personhood.

While I recognize this is going to be an unpopular argument precisely for the fact that no community likes their dirty laundry aired out, I’ve watched as these issues plague our communities. Using people on the basis of sex without at least offering them the dignity or respect of acknowledging their humanity (or remembering their name) is a disease we are suffering from–alluding to the fact that you’ll fuck a Black guy, you just won’t take him to meet your family or friends. This is not a criticism of casual sex; instead, it is the methods of how these actions are carried out that is the problem. There was a time when being caught in interracial sexual acts would have gotten you killed. How much better have things gotten if it is now our souls that are dying, our relationships with one another? Violence is often discussed in its physical manifestations but rarely addressed in terms of the spiritual brutality many of us face.

We’ve internalized a “Birth of a Nation” mentality whereby all Black men are depicted as sexual predators here to dominate and penetrate the Anglo. Don’t believe me? Check any porn site or the articles being written about it. As a matter of fact, google “gay interracial” and see if you can find anything that isn’t sexual in nature. Let’s be real: porn is very much a part of our culture. I have plenty of friends who can name tons of porn “actors”. So we watch as Black men dominate, aggressively penetrate, and gang rape some “poor innocent white boy” and I’m supposed to believe that’s not playing a role in the way we interact cross-culturally? HA!

There is also the fact we’ve created a culture where narcissism runs rampant–thinking everyone wants your goodies. Is there some unwritten rule that Black men (under the guise of Black hypermasculinity) are all tops (penetrator)? Plenty of men who are otherwise tops/vers tops, want to bottom for Black men…and are not timid about how they choose to communicate it. It is my belief that this relates directly to the stereotypical assumptions made about Black male sexuality and potency.

What I love about the politics of versatility: 1) no one wants to allow people to identify as such because it’s easier to box gay men into the top/bottom dichotomy 2)everyone’s decisions on when to “switch” are informed by something different. 3) you watch as gay men run away from being labeled a bottom (misogyny is alive and well) so they claim to be versatile instead. But even when we do operate in the dichotomy of top/bottom, why do I see so many individuals become complacent in racist, sexualized roles whereby sex becomes all about domination? Is this part of a larger conversation on sex and power? Either way, the point of the story is not all Black men are tops nor are they the mandingo your porn mandates them to be.

Men of color are not sexual, erotic, or “exotic” objects here for the disposal of other (read: white) men’s sexual aims. Men of color are not to be reduced by another’s ignorance surrounding intercultural exchanges, including the sexual. For the record, if a man of color permits you to mistreat him, that does not make it acceptable. In the same token, just because your friend says its okay for you to project racial slurs upon them doesn’t make that right either.

As I’ve battled having to fight stereotypes about my own identities and choices, I’ve since realized it is symptomatic of a larger issue: ignorance. Who I choose to be with or sleep with is my business. If anyone should know that, it’s queer communities. So if you’d like to reduce me to “chasing chocolate”, “only dating Black men” or whatever else…you’ve got some issues to work through, honey.

Interracial dating, sex, exchanges should not be thought of as places of “racial reconciliation” where some type of healing takes place. By that I mean, just because you fucked a Black man does not mean you’re any less racist than you were before.

Johnathan Fields is a DePaul University alum with a B.A. in African & Black Diaspora Studies and Philosophy. His areas of interest include: media representations of race, gender, and sexuality in popular culture, Black feminist theory, Diasporic literature and critical race theory. He is also the latest addition to this site’s family of contributors. For more information, visit www.adventuresofaboxcutter.com

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Method acting, the process whereby an actor takes on the life of their character outside of filming, is not new to Ms. Berry. Her first on-screen performance in 1989’s “Living Dolls” sparked rumors that Halle was getting a little too into her character, playing her parts even after the camera had stopped rolling. Given her most recent tendency to focus on psychological dramas, perhaps her method acting is re-surfacing?

Mental illness is not something to be taken lightly (especially given the social stigma attached to it). So, the speculation around Ms. Berry’s mental health needs to be analyzed carefully not only for her sake but also for her daughter’s (should Halle win full custody).

The Berry/Aubry racism show-down brought the one-drop rule back into national dialogue (it never left for some of us). While America rides this “multi-racial” bandwagon, which for some has become the neo-liberal agenda of promoting colorblindness or an erasure of racial distinctions, Halle raises an interesting point by claiming her daughter as Blackn and asserting her own Blackness. What is Black?

Berry proclaimed herself Black despite her biracial lineage. Now what’s interesting to me is that Halle hasn’t been “Black” for years. This controversial claim arrives after the fact that her industry arrival started by starring in films like Spike Lee’s “Jungle Fever” and the 90’s classic “Boomerang”. I don’t think anyone would argue these films’ exist in a Black-osphere. However, as is the case with any Black artist, negotiation has to take place in order to cross over into the “mainstream” (read: white world).

My own resentment is not due to the fact that Ms. Berry wanted to broaden her market and rake in more cash. Instead, I am upset at how she choose to do it. Beyonce Knowles is a world-renowned artist/performer and yet she manages to hold on to Blackness in a way that few artists can, paying homage to Anita Baker, Jill Scott, and Erykah Badu in her sets. Beyonce crossed over into the mainstream while maintaining a double-consciousness; why not you Ms. Berry? Why does it feel like you altogether threw your Black card out the window? Now the idea of Black artists having to hold a double-conscious is already bullshit. But unfortunately, that’s the reality of the industry as of right now.

Let’s be very clear: the politics of authenticity are entirely problematic. What is Black? Blackness is more than your skin color. Blackness can be informed by your phenotype, sounds, walks, musical stylings, cultural values, thought, etc. So while your skin may be brown Ms. Berry, I’m wondering when the last time you starred in a movie with another brown person was…? Did Oscar make you feel like being the token was acceptable? When will you introduce another film paying tribute to Black actresses of the past like you did in “Introducing Dorothy Dandridge”? Hell, you don’t look or sound a thing like Aretha Franklin, but if that’s what it takes to get you to bring back some of your past performances I say go for it! Don’t think any of us forgot about “B.A.P.S”.

Halle Berry is a gorgeous, talented actress who I think got lost in the fame monster. Her character Angela in “Boomerang” was proud to be a Black woman in America. But with personal success comes a distancing of what we once were.

The media is a circus. So whatever went on in the Berry/Aubry relationship will only be known by those two individuals. It is no secret that Halle has a history of troubled relationships, which makes me question: why does she seem to always find herself in a troubled relationship? Is she running from relationship to relationship to avoid getting to know herself? Did she take her characterization of Ms. Dandridge too far in assuming she had “her man who could ask for anything more”? All this to say, I want to make sure she is doing her own work to self-heal–for herself, but also for her daughter. Once the work of healing begins perhaps Ms. Berry will be in a better place to find a more suitable suitor, or realize she doesn’t need a man to complete her.

Perhaps her choice to focus heavily on psychological thrillers is due to the fact her mother is a retired psychiatric nurse, or maybe she is getting back into her method acting. Maybe the American expectation for people of color to maintain a double-consciousness is having a psychological affect on her. We don’t know. But we should keep in mind that with inter-racial dating, if both partners are not doing the work of racial healing, the detrimental components will surface. Even though we may not know whether Aubry’s comments to Halle are true or not, these issues are real and do happen.

The expectations for people of color in Hollywood and the politics of interracial dating and Blackness are enough to have anyone feeling psychologically vulnerable. Given the American tendency to ignore mental health issues until they have progressed, I hope Ms. Berry does her own self-examination. Maybe then, we will get our Black actress back and stop having to worry about the things we lost in the fire that is media speculation.

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So here I was, just sitting and enjoying yet another day of Black History Month as I basked in the glow of post-racialness of the Obama era. And then my buddy @BenJoBubble just had to ruin the ambiance of it all by introducing me to the fuckery that follows involving Halle Berry and her ex; yup, the white boy:
A simple split has become a nasty race war, and now, it’s going back to the ugliest time in American history.

Halle Berry and Gabriel Aubry, battling for custody of their daughter Nahla, have both thrown some mud, but after word about Aubry’s alleged racism got out, Berry is firing back.

In a new interview with EBONY Magazine, Berry says (via TMZ), “I feel she’s Black. I’m Black and I’m her mother, and I believe in the one-drop theory.”

That goes against the wishes of Aubry, who, allegedly, doesn’t like when people call Nahla black. That’s inconvenient for Berry, who, according to sources, told Aubry he was only good for one thing — sperm of a different genetic makeup than her own.

Berry’s people have also leaked out that Nahla is supposedly afraid to go near Aubry, though the truth seems far too elusive to grab at this point. (source)First off, lemme just say that both of these parents should be chopped in the throat for this mess. Yes I know divorce isn’t always amicable, but the nerve of these clowns bringing the kid into the mix. And about race, too? OK, yeah, it’s alleged that Gabriel called Halle a “nigger”. But isn’t something like the race of any potential kids something that should’ve been established in the pre-nup?

Now of course with my sick and twisted sense of humor, I couldn’t help but to think of Halle in the movie “Monsters Ball” and thought: life doesn’t imitate art; there’re no happy endings when you’re Black and you enter into a romantic relationship with a racist prick like Billy Bob Thorton Gabriel Aubrey. Yep, you don’t get Oscars for real life shit, Halle. You get a dude trynna get his Kevin Federline on; yep, cut da check.

Halle should not have even felt the need to address this foolishness, in my opinion. We currently live in a society where more young people identify themselves as mixed. And with Halle being mixed herself, she shouldn’t have even dignified Gabriel’s down low racism other than to say that’s why she dumped his ass.

I know some of you think it’s best for the kid to choose her own racial identity rather than having it defined by her parents. But, I think that’s a Pollyanna line of thinking. In a perfect world, yes. But the reality is, society has long defined clear racial lines; you don’t get to choose (unless you could really pass as white), society chooses for you. All in all I think this is a mess, and I’m sure this would not affect the kid as she develops.

Now, what would make matters worse than they are now? It could only get worse if the kid, Nahla, came out and said, “I’m neither Black or White; I’m actually Asian, and Tiger Woods is my daddy.” Wouldn’t that be nice?

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by Gary Hardwick


Running out of famous Black athletes to sleep with, Kim K runs her booty game on an old school legend.

HOLLYWOOD – The reality show world was rocked today when it was announced that celebutard Kim Kardashian was in “a very serious” relationship with rice magnate Uncle Ben.  The two have been seen snuggling and kissing all around L.A.

“Kim’s in love,” said one anonymous friend.  ‘She likes her men black and rich, I guess she doesn’t cares about age.”

Many in the gossip community think Kardashian and her sisters are goldiggers, targeting rich, not too bright black athletes to marry and mate with.  One report said Kim K. and her sister had a leather-bound copy of the NFL and NBA Salary Report, looking for prospects.  Kim was reported to have said. “They really should list IQ’s in here next to the signing bonuses.”

But in a twist of fate, it seems Kardashian is being relieved of her funds by the legendary Uncle Ben.  Spies report that Kim K has been buying Uncle Ben expensive suits, bow ties, jewelry and a Bently.  This is surprising as Ben is said to be worth $9 billion or so.

“Dude is ringing her bell,” said Curtis Jackson a local paparazzi.  “Kim is usually all about what she can get from a man but now, she’s spending that dollar like somebody put a jackhammer in her pants, ha ha ha!”

Neither Kim nor Uncle Ben would affirm the affair or comment.  Ben just says she’s a “nice girl.”

No one knows where this May December romance is going but it sure has tongues wagging as the couple continues to be seen around Hollywood.

“Man, they need to just come out with it,” says Jackson.  “I saw Uncle Ben with Kim at Roscoe’s Chicken and Waffles, my man was on that ass like white on rice.”

Copyright 2010

[Editor’s Note: Gary Hardwick is a successful film director, screenwriter and novelist. He has written many films, including Universal’s hit Bring It On, Trippin’, The Brothers and Deliver Us From Eva.  Gary began his carrer in television, starting as a staff writer and eventually becoming Executive Producer for NBC’s In the House. Shout out once again to my man Gary for the guest post  – one day hopefully  tyI’ll grow up to be just like him. Read More: http://www.garyhardwick.com/ & http://garyhardwick.blogspot.com/]

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