Fast forward to now it is most profound that the letter (and the internet) actually led to me being reunited with my sister and meeting my nieces and nephews and their children as well. The door instead of closing has opened wider to reveal a pattern of pain that has manifested in the lives of all of this family’s members and has brought understanding of some of my issues while at the same time highlighting the struggles and patterns being played out in the generations of women in this family.

I always knew I had abandonment issues and this manifested itself in the relationships that I found myself in which ultimately were mentally abusive and wound up ending badly. However meeting my birth family presented me with a generational look at the literal consequences of one person’s choice as manifested in a heart wrenching cycle of abuse.

It Is A Pattern

• Without help, girls who witness domestic violence are more vulnerable to abuse as teens and adults.

• According to the U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development, domestic violence is the third leading cause of homelessness among families.

• Every year, more than 3 million children witness domestic violence in their homes.

 information provided via Safe Horizons

My sister was in an extremely abusive relationship for years. In fact all her relationships have been with men that were both physically and mentally abusive. Her 5 children were raised in a household where they watched their mother being abused on a regular basis. Today three of those daughters are themselves in abusive and or toxic relationships and the pattern continues to their children in which some of the older ones are themselves in abusive relationships.

My heart breaks when I see these beautiful black women all struggling in abusive and in one case violent relationships and healing myself takes on a whole new sense of significance in the context of breaking the pattern. Educating myself on the issues surrounding abuse and domestic violence is where the journey now begins.

Not looking for gold at the end of this rainbow, just healing.

The articles mentioned in this story namely the Open Letter to My Birth Mother and the reunion with my birth family are all available on this site

The post Family Secrets: Domestic Violence, Generational Abuse appeared first on Madness & Reality.

The event occurred months ago. NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell handed down a suspension from two games in July. This led to an outrage, calling for a harsher punishment against Rice. Recently, a video obtained by tabloid king TMZ was released to the public. In no time, mainstream outlets and social media made it viral. Soon, Rice’s contract was terminated presumably under the premise of watching the footage. Since its release, Mrs. Rice released statements ranging from apologies to depression:

“I woke up this morning feeling like I had a horrible nightmare, feeling like I’m mourning the death of my closest friend. But to have to accept the fact that it’s reality is a nightmare in itself. No one knows the pain that (the) media & unwanted options from the public has caused my family. To make us relive a moment in our lives that we regret every day is a horrible thing. To take something away from the man I love that he has worked his a** of for all his life just to gain ratings is horrific. THIS IS OUR LIFE! What don’t you all get. If your intentions were to hurt us, embarrass us, make us feel alone, take all happiness away, you’ve succeeded on so many levels. Just know we will continue to grow & show the world what real love is! Ravensnation we love you!”

There are so many people to blame for this whole matter. Ray Rice, of course, should’ve known better not to clock this woman as if she was a UFC fighter. Whether she provoked it or not is no excuse to almost put her in a coma, or worse.

I blame TMZ, a company all about (mostly black) celebrity tabloid drama that knowingly released the video for reasons speculated. I can assume Harvey Levin was more concerned about a way to profit from this problem as opposed to the actual beating as he is chuckling all the way to the bank with his millions. Whenever black people suffer, a white man somewhere will use it to make money.

I blame the NFL for thinking this is just a minor setback all the while praising Ray Rice for being a valuable player and a “nice guy” to boot. Maybe he is; I dunno. Still, that doesn’t exonerate him from hitting a woman.

Finally, I blame a culture where violence is idolized and where victims are shamed. We live in a world where if we punch someone in the face, we blame the person for having a face while excusing and supporting the one doing the punching! And someone would record the whole incident and post it online for a bunch of likes, shares, retweets, favorites, LOL’s, OMG’s and SMH’s.

So, Ray Rice is no longer playing. Now what? What will come of this now that he’s indefinitely benched?

We seem to think that kicking out a ball playing wife beater would be the end of it, but it’s not. Will Rice learn anything from this? Will he and his family get help? Will there be major changes within the NFL and how it deals with domestic violence as a result? There are so many questions to ask and so many things to consider that this is hardly a straightforward issue. Sadly, I fear this will fade away in a hot second until another face of domestic violence surfaces, and it will likely involve another black couple in the media spotlight which will start another color-aroused uproar.

Fox & Friends’ anchors, using all their worldly knowledge and tact at once, saw fit to poke fun at this incident. While citing Chris Brown and Rihanna and Jay Z and Solange, the crew jokingly saw that the message was that it was best to “take the stairs”. Keep in mind, they made references to famous black couples only.

In cases of domestic violence, or crime in general, in the world of sports or in Hollywood, more attention tends to focus heavily of black people and black couples. This problem with Ray Rice somehow set off yet another conversation surrounding this matter. I say ‘somehow’, because surprisingly – not really – there was never quite as loud a commotion when Ben Roethlisberger was accused of sexual assault – TWICE – from the media or from sports fans. And that is just one example.

Come to think of it, how many white athletes and white celebrities have you heard accused of rape, domestic violence and so forth right off the bat? My guess would be hardly at all. Even if it’s reported, it’s a quick blip on the radar, and then, it’s gone, unless it’s very serious like murder. Most white celebrity news, including those of the tabloid variety, are positive.

When the subject of domestic violence and rape are raised involving the rich and famous, usually black faces are plastered all over the media long and hard. This is not to say that we should minimize the impact of Ray Rice’s crime or domestic violence in general. But I can’t help but see it as a disguised attempt to turn this into a black pathology, demonizing black athletes as a whole, yet again, and con the public into thinking the mainstream media actually gives a damn about the matter of contention when it hardly screams whenever white athletes and white celebs do wrong.

In the end, if this problem is to be tackled honestly, blaming the victim, sensationalizing the issue and racializing it are all the wrong ways to go about doing it. I hope Mrs. Rice, as well as her husband, get some kind of help for the sake of their family without any mainstream interference and scrutiny.

The post Ray Rice, Domestic Violence: The Video – Sensationalizing and Racializing a Social Problem appeared first on Madness & Reality.

Proof. But I mean, everything that was reported still happened, right? Wolf wasn’t lying. If a friend that was at a game told me that the home run was high and long and way outta the park, I’d believe them. I didn’t need to see the videotape. If I did see the video, it wouldn’t make the home run any more impressive or make it MORE of a home run. It wouldn’t turn it into a grand slam, it would just confirm what my friend had said. You probably know what I’m getting at. I hope. Ray Rice punched his then girlfriend out in an elevator. We have known this for a long time. We saw a video of Rice dragging her sleeping body out of the elevator, and using her body as a door holder. This we saw, over and over and over. He said he knocked her out, she said he knocked her out, the police said he knocked her out. So yes that’s what happened.

The NFL under the leadership Roger Goodell,  just one of many spineless, mindless big league commissioners currently earning puke inducing salaries (44.2 million in 2012), decided that a player punching out a woman was worth a two game suspension. If you use drugs, it’s a lifetime ban and a trip to Siberia. Until now very few people in mindless NFL worship land, also known as the USA, had any problems with this silliness. Finally the great Keith Olbermann, came out and slammed Goodell for the lame two game suspension, calling it a travesty, and that’s exactly what it was.

So not long after this dumb as shit decision, Goodell reacted to the bad press and made it a six game suspension going forward for anyone who commits domestic abuse the first time. The second time is a lifetime ban. Much better right? Almost everyone applauded the decision. Goodell, (who wants to continue to make 45500000000000 times more than the guy making minimum wage and trying to support his family while watching the NFL every weekend as though it’s a religion), only really cares about that money so he reacts, after the fact. He knows that women watch the NFL as well, sometimes they even decide if their husbands can watch. Also there are sponsors to think about. So once again he reacts.

Then comes the latest video which shows the inside of the elevator and we see Rice punching his current wife and knocking her out. Shows him doing exactly what we all knew he did months ago. In what seemed like seconds, the Ravens release Rice and the NFL suspends him indefinitely. “The video changed things” is what coach John Harbaugh said. When asked exactly how, he did the usual coach thing and got chesty and tried to intimidate the person who asked the question. He pretended to not understand what the reporter was asking, like it was a question that made no sense. Harbaugh knows they got caught, that they either had seen all of the video months ago and didn’t do anything till it went public or he knew the team should have cut Rice after the incident first happened.

Goodell and company once again reacted. They are all incapable of doing anything worthwhile or morally correct on their own, without prodding and pressure from outside forces. This is called being worthless, spineless, and a coward. This is what these people are and it’s what their organization is. Since 2000 there have been over 70 players convicted of domestic abuse in the NFL and they received one game suspensions. Yes, you probably haven’t heard of any of them. That’s because there wasn’t a videotape. Something that actually showed how horrible domestic abuse actually is.

So what do the male athletes in the NFL now know? To make sure there is no video involved when they punch out their women. You might get a six game suspension if there is no video…might. But if there is a video you are done, gone, knocked out of the game if you will. This wouldn’t be the lesson if Goodell and the Ravens had done the right thing to begin with, the moral thing, without all of this external influence. But it’s no surprise that they didn’t. The NFL, like the country it represents is a neanderthalic entity. The overwhelming majority of the domestic abuse cases in pro sports come out of the NFL. When we hear about homophobic comments and bully players, they usually reside in the NFL. That’s why Chris Kluwe was such a breath of fresh air, but guys like him are overshadowed by the Ray Rice’s of the league.

Roger Goodell has shown he really doesn’t care about domestic abuse. He cares about image and money. The Ravens didn’t initially cut Rice because they wanted him on the field to help them win games and make more money. And while we are talking about money, I do not pretend to know what was going on in the mind of Rice’s wife when it came to staying with him and getting married to him. I have no idea. I do know that every woman that does not press charges and “sticks with their man” after domestic abuse, just makes it easier for the next guy to sock his wife. One would have to imagine that if Rice worked for minimum wage, she might have thought otherwise about staying with him. Who knows?

Now however Rice isn’t making any money. Not because he did something horrible but because there was a videotape of him doing something horrible.

The NFL and the USA. Where image and money always trumps morality and justice…and always will.

Mike.Caccioppoli@yahoo.com

@CaccioppoliMike

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I guess the damage done by his commentary was overbearing. The problem was that too many people inferred what they wanted to infer and didn’t listen to what he said.

Stephen A. Smith and the Commentary

I hate to beat a dead horse, but Stephen A. Smith made sure to recognize both parties in a situation. On ESPN, he noted that a man “has no business putting his hands on a woman” [3]. He makes sure to repeat this ideology repeated in the matter of a couple of minutes. In contrast, he stated that he employed female members of his family to “make sure they don’t do anything to provoke wrong doing” [4]. In short, Stephen A. Smith took time to recognize both parties in any wrong doing.

And wasn’t that part of the issue with Ray Rice’s suspension situation? Stephen A. Smith quickly noted that Rice should have been suspended for more games than that. However, this situation was about a domestic violence situation in which they both were arrested. And no, we are not making what Ray Rice did okay. What is being said is that Ray Rice and his fiancé-turned-wife played a part in the fiasco.

The Reality of Stephen A. Smith’s Commentary

The sad part about all of this is there has been so much back and forth about comments that aren’t that deep. Many people felt like Stephen A. Smith was condoning the beating of women. In actuality, they would know that he is totally against men being violent to women in all circumstances. However, he also wanted to point out that there are times when women will do to men what men (should) have been taught not to do to women. In short, his point was that men and women should not touch each other.

Even I have been accused of being abusive by a female that didn’t like what I had to say. And all I did was ask her questions about her thoughts. I guess domestic violence concerns take over people’s objectivity and logic.

Ironically, I was provided with an example of my stance by a woman. Melyssa Ford, former video vixen and reality star, shared a moment in which a man punched her as well:

“While I was shaking my hand in his face, I smashed him in the face with the CD Walkman,” she told radio personality Charlamagne Tha God and Andrew Schulz during a podcast episode of The Brilliant Idiots.

 

“He didn’t even blink and punched me right in my face. Lip exploded. It was like *gasp*. Then I wilded out some more and he was like, ‘Oh my God! I gotta get her out of here,’ because we’re in the car in the street. […] I’m sure there’s a whole lot going through his head.” [5]

Ford also noted that the man she dated was not the violent type and never hit her before. Still, Melyssa Ford understood: “It was a defense mechanism…and my behavior activated it; it took [me] a while to learn to stop putting my hands on men.”[6] Thus, there are situations in which women have a part in the foolishness that men do.

Stephen A. Smith and the End of This Conversation

Stephen A. Smith is not an advocate for abusive men. He is quite the opposite: he hates that men beat on women. However, Stephen A. Smith noted something plenty of other men understood: some women should practice the restrain that men are expected to master. Yet, it takes a woman to acknowledge that these situations happen. To be fair, it should be written down that men and women shouldn’t try to physically hurt each other.

Men shouldn’t hit women and women shouldn’t hit men. And that should be the end of it.

The post Do Women Provoke Abuse? ESPN Suspends Stephen A. Smith for Domestic Violence Remarks appeared first on Madness & Reality.

I know you’re probably busy. So’m I’m just going to cut straight to the chase.

I too have heard about the recent alleged erratic and violent behavior of former Scandal actor Columbus Short. It is indeed a saddening and disappointing revelation of a promising actor on a popular drama. As you may know, there are very few positive images of black people in the media. Hopefully, the series story writers will find another positive black male character played by a positive black male actor. And I hope Short gets some kind of help.

But I digress. The main reason for this letter is to respectfully express my dismay over the misogynistic comments you made concerning Short’s wife Tanee McCall during your radio show. I caught wind of this at XOJane:

“I think that broad shouldn’t be telling all his business if she gone take him to court…This bitch was thirsty. The bitch was thirsty. What, she gone go back to dancing? She gone fuck her money up?…“When you’re very young, you’re very volatile. I’ve been in situations where the police were called. I don’t believe that every time someone says something in the heat of anger, they actually mean it. Everybody want a thug dude, a passionate dude, until you gotta live with your mother in an undisclosed location. You know what kind of dude you picked. Stop it.”

During your banter, a female co-host, Jasmine Sanders, wanted to bring some realness into the conversation, but it is reported that tried to silence her and play the victim. You even tried to shift blame back to the woman by using the “everybody want a thug” derailment. And when Sanders tried to tell you how that’s not the case, you called her dumb!

After reading that, and more, I got offended and embarrassed. But most of all, I got upset. Even though you apologized, I still feel the need to say something as a black man who witnessed domestic violence in my own neck of the woods.

D.L. Hughley

Watching a woman in danger at the hands of her husband, boyfriend or even a family member, friend or total stranger first hand is not a laughing matter. It’s as painful to watch as it is for her to suffer. I will not portray myself as a knight in shining armor, but I have stepped in and defended the women who were victimized, even at risk to my own safety.

Mr. Hughley, it has been noted that you called black women “the angriest women on Earth”:

“I’ve never met an angrier group of people. Like black women are angry just in general. Angry all the time. My assessment, out of, just in my judgment, you either are in charge or they’re in charge, so there’s no kind of day that you get to rest…”

What I don’t understand is how can you make such a statement when you are married to a black woman and have two daughters and a son. Yet, you want to defend a man who allegedly abused his wife to the point where he threatened to kill her and himself? Though, one shouldn’t be too surprised hearing such statements from someone who defended Don Imus’ “nappy headed hos” comment several years back. (I’m sorry. I had to go there.)

Mr. Hughley, I’m doing my best to keep my anger in check, but it’s incredibly difficult seeing a black man who practically placed black women on the chopping block due to his anti-female animosity. Words can not express the depth of shame I have for your comments and overall sexist and misogynistic mindframe, the same mindframe too many black men have that are synonymous with that of racist white folks.

Black men are drowning in a pool of privileges he have because of our genitalia, and we use it against the women who have stuck by us since day one. Too many of us see black women as the enemy while at the same time, we see the oppressor, especially his women, as our friends and saviors. And what’s worse, there are black women and children who have adapted such thinking.

Let me ask you this; if black women are indeed the angriest on Earth, why do you think that is? Could the that the world is practically against their right to exist as human beings and that members of their own community have allied with the world’s hatred of them? Could it be that for so long they’ve stuck by us, and we turn a blind eye to their problems, especially if their problems are black men who beat, rape and kill black women, and we’re too cowardly to confront this bullshit because we don’t like to have our dirty laundry aired and our images tarnished? Could it be that too many of us use them as sex objects showing off our prowess of being playas, but will run like cowards when a life is created and seek another to repeat the cycle? Could it be that some of us choose white women over them because we think they’re, in so many words, better than black women because we’re too fragile to stay strong with black women who are in the same damn boat as we are, and have loved us and been there with us in our struggles?

I think it’s time we, as black men, stepped up. And I think it’s time black folks, including those in the entertainment and sports industries, start addressing the problem. And Mr. Hughley, if you are reading this, I hope that you will be the one to get things started. I know we all make mistakes, but the point of making them is to learn from them. Our sistas are crying out for love and respect from our brothas. What harm could it do to listen?

If we, as a people, are to survive and empower ourselves, we must cure our illnesses.

Sincerely,

Bro. James Wolf.

The post Open Letter To D.L. Hughley (From a Black Man) appeared first on Madness & Reality.

All you need to know is that she was originally sentenced to 20-years for firing a handgun at her husband and his two children, hence the 3 counts of aggravated assault. Her conviction was overturned on appeal, and she is currently awaiting a July 28th trial date for the same crime. Alexander claims to have acted in self-defense but a jury of her peers found her guilty.

And they convicted her because clearly they were racist, right?

Alexander’s own actions were ultimately used against her self-defense claim. While she was out on bail, awaiting trial on her aggravated assault charges, Alexander was arrested for domestic battery against Gray. Although her bail contract specifically prohibited any contact between her and Gray, Alexander went to her husband’s house — where she wasn’t living at the time — and after an altercation, he ultimately called police.

 

When the police contacted Alexander about the incident, she first said she didn’t know what they were talking about, and she hadn’t been at the house, but later she stated that Gray attacked her because she wouldn’t stay with him overnight. Alexander never called police and later stated she was scared. According to police reports, Alexander had no injuries, but Gray had a bloody swollen eye and told police Alexander had punched him.

 

In Gray’s initial deposition to police, he said he would have hit Alexander if she had really tried to threaten him, in an effort to help her and get her potential sentence reduced. Alexander and Gray collaborated on that story while she awaited trial, but Gray later admitted that it wasn’t true and that she really did threaten him and did fire a shot at him.

 

In 2009, Alexander filed charges against Gray, claiming he tried to choke her, but she went to the Florida District Attorney’s Office and said that wasn’t really what happened and then all charges were dropped. According Richard Kuritz, attorney for Gray and his two children, Gray has never been convicted of any violent act toward Alexander. Kuritz said the only time Gray has been arrested for domestic violence was an incident involving his brother and those charges were also dropped. (source)

Supporters of Alexander have maintained that her original conviction was a grave injustice. To them, it doesn’t make sense that a woman — a black woman — had to serve a 20-year sentence for defending herself by firing what Alexander called a “warning shot” to ward off a physically abusive husband during a heated exchange. To that point, I imagine this latest news out of Jacksonville in the wake of the recent verdict in the Michael Dunn trial, doesn’t sit well with her supporters.

This from Jacksonville.com:

The same appeals court that ordered Alexander’s retrial separately ruled last year that when a defendant is convicted of multiple counts under 10-20-life that arose from the same crime, judges must make the sentences consecutive and are not allowed to impose them concurrently.

 

The law has not changed since Alexander was sentenced in 2012, but courts throughout the state have been struggling to interpret what the Legislature meant when it passed sentencing laws regarding 10-20-life.

 

The conviction was thrown out after the 1st District Court of Appeal in Tallahassee ruled that Daniel made a mistake in shifting the burden to Alexander to prove she was acting in self-defense. During jury instructions, Daniel said she must prove beyond a reasonable doubt that she was battered by her husband.

 

[…] “It’s unimaginable that a woman acting in self-defense, who injured no one, can be given what amounts to a life sentence,” said Free Marissa Now spokeswoman Helen Gilbert. “This must send chills down the spine of every woman and everyone who cares about women and every woman in an abusive relationship.”

 

Seeking 60 years is an incredibly abusive and outrageous action by Corey, Gilbert said.

 

[…] But Assistant State Attorney Richard Mantei, the lead prosecutor in the case, told the Times-Union his office was simply following the sentencing laws of the state of Florida.

 

The same appeals court that ordered Alexander’s retrial separately ruled last year that when a defendant is convicted of multiple counts under 10-20-life that arose from the same crime, judges must make the sentences consecutive and are not allowed to impose them concurrently.

 

The law has not changed since Alexander was sentenced in 2012, but courts throughout the state have been struggling to interpret what the Legislature meant when it passed sentencing laws regarding 10-20-life.

 

[…] Mantei said the appeals court ruling demanding consecutive 20-year sentences dictates that if Alexander is convicted of the same three counts, Daniel will be required to sentence her to 60 years in prison.

 

“Absent a plea agreement, if convicted as charged, the law of the State of Florida fixes the sentence,” Mantei said. “At this time, Ms. Alexander has rejected all efforts by the State to resolve the case short of trial.”

 

[…] The Florida Supreme Court is expected to take up the issue of whether Florida law requires multiple 10-20-life sentences to be consecutive. While the 1st District has ruled that judges must make sentences consecutive, other appellate courts in Florida have said judges can impose sentences concurrently.

Don’t be mad, folks; it’s the law.

Once again, none of you will agree; however, Michael Dunn is facing 60-years for essentially the same crime (3 separate counts just like Alexander hence 60-years). But, I expect none of you to take that into account and turn this into some personal vendetta by Angela Corey. Which as I’ve said from the beginning, the issue in this case was not Stand Your Ground. Instead, it was about Florida’s “10-20-Life” gun enhancement law (read here). By pulling the trigger unlawfully in a situation where someone isn’t hurt, a defendant faces a mandatory 20-year sentence if convicted. So, again, if you think Alexander is being treated unfairly, this just isn’t true. Why? Because it is the standard.

Maybe now supporters of Alexander would finally get it; but, it’s highly unlikely that most of you will. Why? Because in your collective minds, it’s about race. To many of you, Alexander’s situation and this latest development is yet another example of a racially biased system of justice. Which is funny because if Dunn gets 20-years and not 60-years, many of you would be mad. And, many of you would be of the opinion that the punishment doesn’t fit the crime, much like folks did after Alexander was sentenced after her original trial. But hey, maybe 20-years is a lot better than 60-years for shooting at 3 people whether they’re unarmmed in a home or in an SUV trying to run.

Here are 3 things to consider before you comment:

• Alexander shot at her then husband and two children (read here).
• Alexander was never assaulted – her husband lied then recanted.
• Alexander was not present when police arrived after firing the alleged “warning shot”.

In the interest of justice, I would say that the inconsistencies in mandatory sentencing under Florida’s 10-20-Life law is a huge problem. If the law says that sentencing in crimes involving multiple victims should be consecutive on all counts, then that’s how it should be applied. The issue here as I see it, isn’t that a black woman is being treated unfairly under the law per se. It’s that there is ambiguity on the part of judges in Florida who issues these sentences.

As stated by Jacksonville.com, it is an issue that could, should, and more than likely be taken up by Florida’s Supreme Court. Should Alexander be convicted and sentenced to 60-years in prison, on appeal, her case could be the catalyst for the necessary changes of sentencing guidelines. To that point, it is up to her supporters and like-minded people to focus on Florida’s 10-20-Life legislation, and not the state’s Stand Your Ground self-defense law as they most egregiously are.

There’s a problem with mandatory minimum sentences in this country, and that should be the focus. And to be fair, it is crazy for Alexander to be sentenced to 60-years if convicted of 3 counts of aggravated assault with a weapon. And yes, such a sentence reeks of cruel and unusual punishment, which is deemed unconstitutional thanks to the 8th Amendment of the U.S. Constitution. However, as a staunch advocate for gun control laws, I do support the laws intent as related to gun crimes.

I do also support and advocate domestic violence legislation.

However, in this case, I believe that in trying to advance a worthy cause, many folks are dangerously misrepresenting the facts of the case. Which to me, is a not in the interest of truth and justice for all. That said, we cannot pretend that gun violence and domestic violence isn’t real, no?

The post Marissa Alexander Facing 60-years isn’t About Angela Corey appeared first on Madness & Reality.

However, as much as we fight the powers and privileges-that-be, sometimes I wonder about the internalized oppression-type brainwash that’s constantly inflicted on us day in and day out that’s expressed in harmful, destructive ways, especially when it crosses gender lines.

I came across an article on Black Youth Project written by Charlene Carruthers responding to a Huffpost video about “hoodsites” like – you know – WorldStarHipHop, a website powered on black pathology. She writes how the conversation purposely leaves out gender-based violence:

“I first learned about the segment’s fallout on Twitter and initially dismissed it as the typical “this is a race issue, not a gender issue” argument. After watching the full video, I felt anguish and anger at the conflict and where the conversation ended.

The tension seemed to first emerge after Dr. Cooper introduced the idea that “there is a gender dynamic to this conversation too.” After laying out supporting points to her argument Rhymefest interjected with “Why you so mad?” I was immediately triggered. His remarks echo the “Angry Black Woman” trope often carted out to silence and pathologize Black women. Che “Rhymefest” Smith, seemingly supported by Dr. Lee, laid out arguments that are both problematic and parallel to the messages, practices, policies and strategies which continue to fail to end violence in our communities.

I’m admittedly used to being around and having conversations with dope men who get it. I work with an number of young Black men everyday who understand the value and importance of centering an analysis of gender in all discussions about violence. However, the comfort I feel with them doesn’t serve the broader need to discuss misogyny in Black politics and social justice work…”

Let’s not front here. We live in a society that doesn’t care about women or girls nearly as much as it does for men and boys. And that same mindset exists in African American communities. Racism is, without a doubt- a major problem, but so is sexism and misogyny. We really can not fight racism without being asking who are we fighting for? Are we fighting for black people which include black females and black LGBT members, or are we fighting for black people which usually implies black males first and foremost?

Ya’ll, we really need to ask ourselves tough questions and take a deeper look at what’s going on,, and what and why it’s going on. Of course, there has been activist work on behalf of black men. But since when are black women excluded from the cause? And if and when there is such work, and there is, why is it a bad thing to some of us?

I think part of the reason is that many of us are afraid that addressing gender violence in our communities will lead to negative stereotypes about black men. But when you think about it, it seems more like a concern for image than reality. It sends a morbid message that the protection of the image of black men is more important than saving and supporting black women. And it also says that black women’s issues are no big thing.

I’m not gonna deny the truth that racism against blacks is still kicking. Of course it is. Still, we need to address violence against black women when doing any kind of work that address violence against and among black people. In other words, we need to be real about our own internalized oppressions which include, but are not limited to, sexism. We can not truly be free, unless ALL OF US are free. Period.

The post Fighting Racism, but Being Silent About Gender-based Violence appeared first on Madness & Reality.

This is what happened to George Zimmerman, the half-white, neighborhood watch leader in Sanford, Florida, who murdered Trayvon Martin, an unarmed black teen who was minding his business when Zimmerman decided to play cowboy and ultimately tried, convicted and executed him in one fateful night. We would soon learn that it came down to Trayvon’s appearance. He wore a hoodie, he was out at night in a gated community and he was a young black male. Nuff said.

Since Zimmerman’s acquittal, the aftermath continues as the hard reality of being black in America is reminded once again. Even after his death, Trayvon was the one on trial, not Zimmerman. And many people didn’t have a problem with it, because their argument boils down to one damning conclusion: being black is a crime in America.

Also proceeding the trial were less than a few reports of Zimmerman’s ongoing encounters with the police, mostly dealing with speeding. Yet, it seemed he was lucky enough to go about his business with – at best – a slight tap on the wrist.

Recently, the news media was reported that Zimmerman allegedly threatened his estranged wife Shellie Zimmerman and punched her father in the nose. Zimmerman was detained by the police, but the bomb was dropped when we learn that she decided not to press charges. Even though the 911 call and dash cam provided evidence that something needed to be done.

Wow. How lucky can the bastard get? Zimmerman’s slipperier than an eel. Either he is the luckiest man on the face of the Earth, or there is some drunk angel there watching over him. But I prefer to conclude that the fact that Zimmerman adopted the white racial frame – not to mention some white DNA – and soon took hold of the privileges afforded to him for being half-white and male. He embraced the stereotype of young black men as natural born criminals and made it a point the night he took one out with his gun.

But that wasn’t all. The court system in that little town ultimately saw nothing wrong with Zimmerman, despite that he assaulted one of their officers a few years ago. In the end, they decided that he really was standing his ground. So, they allowed him to leave as a free man – with a gun.

What will it take for Zimmerman to be held accountable for his abusive behavior? So far, all we’ve seen is a kind of favoritism from the so-called justice system towards their prodigal son. To them, he’s their valiant vigilante who slayed a wannabe thug. (After all, all young black men are potential thugs and gangsters according to white racist thinking, right?) And he’s basically awarded carte blanche to do and act however he pleases, at least for now.

And still, he has supporters and defenders, fan-like individuals who curse the media for tarnishing their hero. I had one person told asked me if I believed everything the media tells me. I answered, “No, but I don’t allow bias to coax me either.” Clearly, even though he hated to admit it, he was defending a racist and misogynist, and a violent one at that.

There are those who are saying that Zimmerman is “a ticking time bomb“. I agree. He will likely explode one day in a fit of rage. He may go on a murder spree shooting anyone in sight. But the way things are going for him now, are they – the police – going to let him get away with that too and not press charges?

The post George Zimmerman: The Untouchable One appeared first on Madness & Reality.

I’m not sure if his actions are a first on the popular social network site. However, I doubt whether boyhood wunderkind, Mark Zuckerberg, could have predicted that his labor of love would one day present itself as evidence in a murder trial. I mean, as much as Facebook fills the narccicistic needs of its users, who could  have seen something like this coming?

The irony of this story is that  I was just on Facebook today with a rant about how I’m sick of seeing stories with mugshots of black people in my news feed. As I see it, I get my fair share of that 10 o’clock nightly news racism locally. But then I have to come across this bizarre story involving a person of color, to make my jaw drop. I mean, it’s like a naked black guy ate the face of a white man in the streets of Miami all over again.

This from CBS Miami:

(CBS) SOUTH MIAMI – Derek Medina, a 31-year-old South Miami man, allegedly posted a picture of his dead wife Thursday morning on a Facebook page attributed to him along with an alleged confession to her murder, CBS Miami reports.

“I’m going to prison or death sentence for killing my wife love you guys miss you guys take care Facebook people you will see me in the news. my wife was punching me and I am not going to stand anymore with the abuse so I did what I did I hope you understand me,” the Facebook post read.

According to the station, Medina went to police Thursday morning to tell authorities that he had a domestic dispute with his wife and then shot her. He was charged with first-degree murder.

Miami-Dade police said in an arrest affidavit that Medina said he shot Jennifer Alfonso, 26, at their South Miami home after she said she was “leaving him.” When officers responded to the home, they found Alfonso’s body, as well as her 10-year-old daughter, who was unharmed.

According to the affidavit, Medina said the couple became involved in a heated argument in an upstairs bedroom when he armed himself with a gun and pointed it at her. He said Alfonso left the bedroom, returning later to say she was leaving him. He says he went downstairs and confronted her in the kitchen, when she began punching him. He claims he went back upstairs to get his gun and confronted her again, at which time she grabbed a knife. Medina said he was able to disarm her and put the knife in a drawer, but that when she began punching him again, he shot her several times, the affidavit says.

OK, so I hope this dude doesn’t think that this qualifies as yet another stand-your-ground self-defense case. And hopefully you activists working to repeal the law do not egregiously use the law to illustrate how it promotes violence. As I pointed out recently, the law is misunderstood by many.

But just looking at the actions of Medina, it’s hard to see this one even falling into that category. I could be wrong, but this looks like a clear cut situation of one man killing his wife for threatening to leave him. I’m sorry, but you’re not going to be able to convince me otherwise.

Derek Medina and wife, Jennifer Alphonso.

According to Medina’s father, Derek Medina Sr., his son killed Alfonso only after she brandished a knife. In the younger Medina’s Facebook post, however, he did not mention a knife, but wrote: “My wife was punching me and I’m not going to stand anymore with the abuse so I did what I did. Hope u understand me.” Oh, and did I mention that he did this while his wife’s 10-year-old-daughter from a previous relationship was at home? Oh, and he left here there with the body.

Derek Medina posing with gun.

[…] Public records show that Medina and Alfonso first married in January 2010, divorced in February 2012 and then remarried three months later. Medina bought the condominium unit where the couple lived in March 2012 for $107,000.

On his Facebook page, Medina claimed to be a supervisor at a property management company and to have appeared in the Miami-based crime drama “Burn Notice,” though his name doesn’t appear in online credits for the show.

On a personal blog to which the Miami Herald linked, someone named Derek Medina touted e-books of his on subjects ranging from saving marriage through communication to “humans who are gifted and can see the supernatural spirit ghost world we live in.”

“The author was with his wife in New York and his wife was attacked by a ghost,” he writes, describing the e-book. “She was seeing a ghost and was being taunted and messed with. She informed her husband and he told her to go to sleep and he would watch over her. Minutes later he was attacked by a demon ghost and he was sick and throwing up.”

Er, um, yeah… this dude is clearly a weirdo. OK, so maybe that’s just me being me given that I don’t subscricbe to that paranormal activity crap. But that aside, it’s pretty obvious that this dude and his wife were having a pretty volatile relationship. I mean if this guy was in fear of his wife who he says had been abusive to him throughout their marriage. Something tells me that he would not have remarried her like he did.But then again, I don’t know too many people who would kill their spouse and post a picture of her dead body on Facebook with the caption  “RIP Jennifer Alfonso.”

I’m sorry, but this one is really weird, folks.

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